Rage/control

[jambley]

I need to get this off my chest tonight. Two frightening evenings.

The first was after doing a 12 hour shift, I returned home to find a missed call from her. I rang her back and she insisted I meet her at the pub. I wanted to shower and still had my coat on. 'If you ever have another gf, you'll meet her when she wants to be met.' I ran to the cash point (literally), then to the pub. She was there, already drunk with no money. So selfish.

The second, I was at home it was midnight. I was getting ready for bed, the door knocked. It was her, she was drunk and I invited her in unfortunately. Made her a cup of tea to calm her down, her rage, language, it was like a woman possessed. She threw two cups of tea over me and walked off laughing. So cruel and abusive.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hey Jamesss:   

I agree. You describe a couple of frightening situations.  It can feel good to write out our thoughts and feelings.

Sounds like alcohol and her don't mix well.  Does she act this way when she is sober?

[jambley]

Hi Naughty!

Writing things down does really help, so much I agree. I keep a journal and so glad I kept a diary, reminds me things DID happen.

Well, I think alcohol sets off her rage and takes it to a worse level. 3 weeks ago her son tried to break my front door down in the afternoon while she stood and watched, she seemed sober. This was reported to the police.

Alcohol just makes her more volatile, she is aware she has BPD.

[Naughty Nibbler]

Hi Jamesss:    

3 weeks ago her son tried to break my front door down in the afternoon while she stood and watched. . .

What was behind the son trying to break down the front door?  Did your partner have something inside your home that she wanted to get?

Alcohol just makes her more volatile, she is aware she has BPD.

Alcohol definitely makes things worse.  Has she ever been open to learning healthy ways to self-sooth?

[jambley]

Hello Naughty! 

She doesnt have any belongings here. It was very odd, I can only think she psyched him up. He has the same traits of BPD, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Alcohol is a lifestyle choice for her. It hurts to see someone waste their life and health through alcohol abuse. But I can't fix that. Self-soothing - I tried several times to help and support her, but for one reason or another it didn't work.

Why are you a naughty nibbler?

[FSTL]

Mine quite often went "full psycho" when drunk - any inhibitions were gone and she exploded and said all her crazy thoughts. It was the only time she physically assaulted me.

Alcohol and BPD do not a good mix make... .

[jambley]

FSTL I am sorry that you were physically assaulted. There is no justification for it, I am learning that it is a defense mechanism for them - although it doesn't make abuse condonable behaviour.

Once in a drunken rage I subconsciously folded my arms, she said 'you're trying to protect yourself.' I had every right to, and so do you.