Thanks for your reply. I'm waking up from yet another dream about him, it seems the dreams just don't stop.
The protection order is only temporary as that is the agreement we reached after two days and ten hours in court. He refused to settle with me on six months protection, which is still baffling... .so my attorney prepped me for trial. I had to fight my attorney to make her go back to his side and say we want longer... she finally did. Then the judge had a side bar with the attorneys and my attorney came back out and said we are going for four months but that's all his side will agree on it's four months or trial and the judge has indicated he could drop both orders... .
So we settled on four months
I saw the x in the hallway before we went back into Court , and I think he knew I meant business as I saw him approach his attorney and next I knew they were meeting with the judge.
If neither party breaks thisnorded it's dropped in July.
The x said to me in a text before the PO "you know I wouldn't come near you". That's scary to me. His guns were supposedly all taken and are being held by the sister .
I'm not so much afraid of him as I feel like I'm trapped in my home and he was allowed to stay on this route like he did nothing at all wrong. I live in a small development where he spends the majority of the day.
I now have to go out of my wY to the post office to drop packages off and pick up my mail. I stay inside like a trapped rat , I can use the shopping center etc. His attorney made those provisions at the first hearing where I had no attorney... .about the mail and him being allowed to be on the route, his side wanted him to be allowed to deliver my mail... .it literally is insanity... .here is my x supposedly afraid of me enough to get the PO but wants to deliver my mail!
that was an interesting day as he tried to intimidate me to drop my order and even spoke for me to the judge. The Jude reprimanded his attorney.
I'm disabled as well , and all of this has been a lot to deal with... .he dumped me as I laid in bed in pain after having treatments for my neck. But supposedly feels so much for me and feels so terrible.
I can't imagine he does not know he has BPD, I mean he knows he's bad enough he rushed to a psychologist and told his work... .he also wanted us to take a break until he sorted his head out, but we got back together. He once said he doesn't kill himself because that would mean he would stop hating himself, and he will be haunted for quite sometime about getting involved with me.
He found me at a low point, under high stress , even asked me to move in with him, then changed that a week later because he said he like to have space too much.
I doubt he will ever break free from that room and that internet... .he sleeps in a floor next to an online waterfall drowning out the thoughts telling him he's horrible.
He also was transgender, I say was as I've read with BPD they have identity issues... .what he considers his female persona is the best one, supposedly he was her all the time for years but then went reclusive as he felt he could never pass.
So there I was accepting of all that and I'm kicked to the curb, labeled a stalker, that I harassed him and his mother etc. it's hurtful beyond words
It's all confusing, as I'm not sure why he wanted less time on the PO, was it to get his guns back or to be able to talk to me... .I will never know.
I see him again in July for court. An agoraphobic who can sit in a room with hundreds, really makes no sense.
I guess I can only hope he's still going to the psychologist and getting the help he knows he needs before he hurts someone this badly again.
Hi Idsrvt2, I’m sorry for what you’re going through, but welcome to BPD Family
It sounds like you’ve gone through the dreaded push/pull which is traumatising and confusing to experience. Much of your story resonates and it sounds as if your partner does have behaviours consistent with BPD. You’ve found a great place to help you understand what you’ve been through and members here will help support you.
Are you afraid of your ex physically hurting you? What’s the situation regarding obtaining an order of protection against him? I can imagine you’d be fearful given he’s also your mailman. Could you stay with family or a friend until you move?
