Hi Mailer3775 and welcome to bpdfamily
I'm so sorry you've been struggling with your daughter in law for all this time, that's hard for you. It helps to know you are far from alone, you've come to the right place for support, understanding and resources. Joining the forum provided me that starting point I needed in order to gently move forwards with my 28DD and I hope you find the same.
When you have time check out the tools and lessons to the right

great practical guidance about how we can change our approach to help improve our relationship with our loved ones. There's also the book club, here's some top recommendations - my present go to is Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, Stop Walking on Eggshells is very popular too...
Book Reviews - Top Recommendations.
What happening with your DIL? Posting really helps, this is a safe space to share the load and gain support.
Good to meet you Mailer3775.
WDx