I guess the real question is this... .did the changes alter the outcome? It seems like we all talk about the changes we made... .for our EX, .
... .//... .
At some point, you have to quit changing so you can go back to being yourself again.
I suppose that is true if you liked who you were to begin with. But, I think that when must of us around here take a good, hard look at ourselves, we realize that we contributed to the problems in the relationship.
The idea is to
not make changes
for the pwBPD,
but rather to better ourselves. If you are only making a change for another, then the change is never going to be real. If you would rather do things as you were doing in the past, or as you put it, "go back to being yourself," then you never actually changed at all. You just played a game. People with BPD are very much in tune with such things and they tend to be able to spot games and manipulation like that from a mile away. If the changes are not real, then the pwBPD will likely know. An unsustainable situation is created. You would then be wearing a mask and be just as disingenuous as others who pretend to be something that they are not to win/get/keep a prospective mate.
None of the tools and lessons here are a guarantee, they are simply designed to give the non the best shot and help the individual grow as a person. Not all relationships can, or should be, saved. Sometimes people just don't mesh. Sometimes people can be completely in love with one another and still cannot make a relationship work.
Perhaps there was nothing that you ever could have done that would have made your ex happy. Perhaps there were things about you that she just didn't like. That's what happened between me and my x that brought me here. Sure, I used the tools and lessons to save the relationship, but when all the chaos started to end and my emotions were able to settle, I discovered that I didn't actually like her. I didn't like the music that she listened to, the movies and TV shows that she watched, and many other day-to-day things that make up a person's personality. The BPD turned out not to be an issue in the end. I just didn't like her. We have to be careful to not blame all the woes in our relationships on the disorder.