Need some advice

[Broken Crayons]

So this is my first post!  Not sure how much background to post so if your not sure ask and I'll answer. I have a complicated situation with my 55 male partner.  I've just recently figured out that he is most likely BPD. We've been together for 5 1/2 years, started out as an affair (please no judgements - I'm just being as honest as I can about the relationship) I left my husband - he didn't leave his wife about 2 years in the relationship. Another 2 years past and his wife left him. That started a tail spin of binge drinking and verbal abuse. I tried to get him help but it was finally his workplace that stepped in and said "do something or find another job"  He started seeing a social worker (male) for therapy Which ultimately has caused more harm. 6 months ago he assaulted me. Charges were laid and then he harassed me. More charges were laid. We have a no contact order from the assault charge. He is was suicidal at Christmas and I began to see him again. This lasted almost 6 weeks and the spiral started again. He attempted suicide Feb 28 and has been in Rehab (for alcoholism) ever since. He is released tomorrow and I honestly don't know what to expect.  He blamed me for everything. His family believes that I just need the go away and he'll be fine.  They want me to move my things out of his house but I am afraid that will only make matters worse. Any advice is greatly appreciated!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Panshekay]

Wow, that's a lot going on.  How are you feeling about him getting out of rehab?  Have you visited him in rehab? 

[Broken Crayons]

It ended badly. He began splitting on Feb 25 and ended with his suicide call to me. I've had no contact with him since then. His family refuses to tell me even if he is ok... .I found out through a work friend that he made it and was in the hospital. I am assuming that he went to rehab as scheduled. His daughter texted me to come get my things. I could not do it. Not without him there. Just felt he would take that as real abandonment. I feel awful and I'm worried sick. He wanted to get help and make our relationship work before the split so now I am really confused with what to do. His last texts were that he hated me and wanted me gone.

[Panshekay]

Being in love with someone who suffers from a personality disorder and alcoholism is a lot for one person to deal with. You must be overwhelmed and worried.  Are you seeing a counselor?  Since there is a history of assault you need to protect yourself and take care of yourself. There are a lot of great tools on this site.  Have you read any of these?   I'm sorry you are going through this. Stay strong. Keep reading things here, so many have gone through the same things. Blessings to you.

[Notwendy]

This is difficult to deal with. While it is compassionate of you to not want to take your things while he is gone, it concerns me that you are possibly putting his feelings before your own safety.

In a potentially abusive/ abusive ( you have been assaulted)relationship- leaving is one of the most dangerous times for a partner. Please contact a DV support service for advice about this. Some people have had to leave belongings as it is too dangerous for them to get them.

This is not a suggestion to leave the relationship- this is the staying board. It is your choice to live with him or not. It is to address the idea of moving your things out and your safety if you consider this.

[Broken Crayons]

Thank You, I am quite safe and we have wonderful laws and services for DV where I live (in Canada)  but they have very limited information on these types of disorders. I've never dealt with someone like this before and really don't know what to expect! I was hoping that someone would have some experience with their BPD when they have come out of rehab. Does it make them better or worse?
           

[Panshekay]

I'm sorry, I dont have any experience with this exact situation. Keep reading and posting, I'm sure others have been through this. I can say the BPD person in my life self medicates a lot.  This seems to be very common with BPD.