First time user

[Longsufferingsue]

I guess I should first say that my husband has not actually been diagnosed with BPD,  but after many years of hope for a stable relationship and reading about all sorts of mental disorders, the BPD traits seem to hit the nail on the head. I simply cannot bring myself to let go of this relationship even though my family, friends and two children are so dissapointed in me for continuing to live a miserable life. He has not only verbally abused me but our children, members of the community, facebook friends and anyone he believes needs to hear "the truth". I
have been married to this man, my high school sweetheart, for 36 yrs, most of which have been filled with conflict. I have to admit that I knew when I married him that he was probably a poor choice for a mate. I have had a successful career in health care our entire marriage and he has had a troubled employment history, substance abuse issues and anger problems. I have considered leaving/divorcing him many times. We have two children who have given us no real problems with drugs etc. even after being subjected to a dysfunctional family environment. I feel so blessed for that and feel guilty for bringing them into such an environment. I finally moved out and filed for divorce about 7 years ago and he immediately promised to stop drinking and followed through with that. After much pleading and what seemed like a real change, I agreed to reconcile. I have moved out several more times after horrible fights that started with disagreements that escalated to the point of insanity. I can't possibly give all the details here, but those living with someone like this can surely understand. I guess the reason that I have found myself on this online discussion(my first ever) is because of my feeling of desperation. I left him again about 3 weeks ago (after him screaming and cursing me and telling me to leave)  and have actually rented an apartment and have no contact with him. I immediately blocked his calls and texts because of his history of sending mean, vulgar texts even after even the smallest issue, like forgetting to buy eggs or something as trivial as that. He has sent texts to our daughter and had her forward them to me, begging me to come home, promising to never yell again, and other promises that no one could fulfill. anyway, even though I know that I have to end my relationship with him, I find myself feeling sorry for him because he is totally alone with no friends or family. And I find myself thinking, as always, that maybe things can be better! BUT I KNOW THAT IS NOT GONNA HAPPEN!





 

[DaddyBear77]

Hi Longsufferingsue - welcome to the bpdfamily

I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here. So many of us are in similar situations. It's good that you found your way here. There is a lot of support in knowing that you're not alone.

It sounds like you've left several times before - it's good to think about what kinds of things brought you to that decision. What kinds of things brought you to the point of reconciliation in the past? Have you thought about what you would need to see if you WERE to reconcile again?

Keep trusting your gut and think about what has happened before and the likelyhood of it happening again. And keep posting here as I'm positive that others can offer their insights as well.

Welcome and looking forward to hearing more soon!

~DaddyBear77

[Lucky Jim]

I can't possibly give all the details here, but those living with someone like this can surely understand.

Hey Longsufferingsue, Welcome!  Yes, we do understand and many of us, including me, have been through similar situations in a marriage to a pwBPD.  Only those of us who have been in a BPD r/s can really understand the stress you have endured.  I admire your courage to stand firm and make a change. 

I find myself feeling sorry for him because he is totally alone with no friends or family. And I find myself thinking, as always, that maybe things can be better! BUT I KNOW THAT IS NOT GONNA HAPPEN!

You're right, it's unlikely to happen.  In my view, his lack of friends/family is his problem, not yours.  You're not responsible for the well being of another adult.  Suggest you shift the focus to you, by taking good care of yourself and meeting your needs.  Many of us here have been down this road before you, so you are not alone.

LuckyJim