My mum has a Borderline personality disorder

[Rinaleah]

Hi all,

I have been in therapy for well over a year dealing with various issues and my therapist suggested that my mum might have BPD. Having just finished the book "surviving a borderline parent" which was followed by an avalanche of tears I feel like my life finally makes sense. I don't remember much of my childhood and suffer from nightmares (which are particularly bad at the moment), I hated myself for years and was wracked with self-doubt, suicidal feelings and an intense, unbending loneliness. Thanks to the past year of therapy I am already in a much better place, but still feel an intense amount of grief for the childhood I never had and worry about the missing memories and what I am forgetting. At the moment I am feeling so much and none of my friends really understand - I know that it will get better, but I would just love to hear feedback, comments - and be part of a community of children that went through the same as me. Basically, I want to feel less alone - particularly keen to hear from those who don't remember their childhoods (or very little) and how they coped with that loss?

Thank you!

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Rinaleah:   
I'm very sorry that you had a difficult childhood and have had problems with your mom.  Has your mom ever been treated for any mental conditions?  Most people with BPD or BPD traits have some other issues going on as well.  Two common comorbid conditions are depression and/or anxiety.

I'm glad that you are getting therapy and that it is helping.  Many times friends can't understand, as they have had a totally different experience growing up.  Do you have any siblings?  Is your father in the picture?

I don't remember much of my childhood and suffer from nightmares (which are particularly bad at the moment).  I hated myself for years and was wracked with self-doubt, suicidal feelings and an intense, unbending loneliness.     

I'm sorry your nightmares are bad at the moment.  Do your nightmares have a particular theme (running from someone, being chased, etc.).  I remember mine more vividly, if something wakes me up, during the dreaming state. Some dreams can be very disturbing.  Sometime, I'm torn between thinking it might be interesting to document them in a journal, as soon as I wake up, or whether it is just best to let them fade from memory.

Are there certain years of your childhood that you don't remember? 

I hated myself for years and was wracked with self-doubt, suicidal feelings and an intense, unbending loneliness.   

I'm glad things are getting better for you.  Do you attribute your improvement solely to therapy or are you trying some meds along with it?

Do you live with your mother currently?  What are some of your current problems you have with your mom? 

We look forward to hearing more of your story, when you are ready to share.