Not sure whether to break-up with partner after recent outburst

[shortyfatguy]

Hello.

So I am in a bit of a crossroads... I have been in a relationship with some one with BPD for about a year overall.
We have had our ups and downs, very good days and some pretty awful days.
We broke up a few months back and didn't see each other for a month or so but after some talking and working stuff our we decided to get back together over Christmas.
Since then we have had some wonderful times but due to some things we both did while apart we have been having a lot issues and very heated arguments.
One of which got me put in a cell over night and i am currently seeking help for my behaviour.  
A few days ago, we had another fight which was the worst we have ever had.
Her mental health hasn't been great the last month and after a few drinks things got heated.  my stuff was getting smashed, i was headbutted, bitten, punched, kicked, glasses thrown at me and ended up having to call the police and she ended up  in a cell over night and now faces charges by the police.
I told her I was done but now she has been so apologetic and is telling me she getting help, quitting drink/drugs to make  things right and I don't know whether to end it or stay and help her.
I want to believe her but can't stop thinking nothing will change, and escalate even more putting both of us in danger of something awful happening.

Came across this forum when googling what to do as I am very conflicted.

[shortyfatguy]

Thought I should also mention, I am 22 and she's 19.
I am currently doing CBT for my own anxiety/depression/anger issues and with all that I feel like I'm not emotionally ready/capeable to handle this anymore?

She is currently waiting on help, which she seems very determined to do now, whereas in the passer she has dismissed it!
But this could all just be from fear of loosing me.
I've been reading up on all this none stop and don't think strong enough emotionally to be her 'rock'... but feel like she wouldn't have anyone else.

Obviously you aren't here to tell me whether or not to end it or stay.
But any advice would be greatly appreciated, as with my age and experience
I feel useless and guilty that I'm feeling this away...

I also feel like my family and friends are loosing respect for me from constantly making excuses for her and defending her

[Harri]

Hi sfGuy and welcome!

I think it would be best to focus on your own recovery and therapy rather than try to support your girlfriend.  As you said, you do not really have the strength to help her.  Focus what strength you do have on taking care of you and getting yourself healthy. 

Being someone's rock is not sustainable when you are working on your own issues, nor is it appropriate IMO.  Again, IMO, it sounds like you have enough on your plate taking care of your own issues and learning healthy ways to express anger and work on boundaries. 

I wish you the very best of luck and hope that you continue to post here.  The members here can support and give you feedback as you move along in your own healing journey.

[shortyfatguy]

hey harri

i appreciate the reply, and advice.
I've also spoken to some friends and family and think its the right thing to end the relationship and focus on my own issues like you said.
will discuss properly my options in my next CBT session.

I will definitely be continuing to post here while i move forward, and hope the support will help.

cheers, thanks again and have a lovely night.