Taking it day by day

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I believe my soon to be ex-husband has BPD, he fits the criteria and it would explain so much that has happened in the past. We have been separated for over a year now but there has been little progress in our divorce.  We have two kids together, who are both with me full time. he has only agreed to see the kids 5 hours every other week. I would like him to have the kids more but he is having a lot of difficulty making it on his own.  When I left him, the kids and I went into hiding and he didn't know where we lived for over 9 months.  He would call 911 claiming that I kidnapped the children and that he believed I was going to leave the city.   When the police talked to him, he screamed at the police because they did not give out my address and that out of town trips are not kidnapping.  We were meeting at the police station to exchange the children for visits. After one visit he lied to our son and told him that I wanted him dropped off at my residence after the visit and our son gave him directions home.a few days later the police showed up at my door because my ex claimed that I was a working prostitute and that the children were in danger in my care.  He claims that my son told him my pimp yells at him and I perform sexual acts in front in the children.  That is only a small piece of some of the constant harassment I have received from my ex.  I periodically block him from my phone  and email only. I was very close to getting a restraining order but I didn't want to escalate his behaviour and jeopardize the visits with the kids.  I had my lawyer send a letter to his lawyer stating that he stop the harrasment or we will pursue a restraining order. So far all the texts have stopped and all the threatening emails are no longer showing up in my inbox.  We now do monitored exchanges for the children with what YWCA.  It has been working well so far.

Shortly after I left my husband he quit is job, saying that he is too stressed out to work.  He cannot send me any child support and says he wants spousal support.  It's been over a year since he last worked and I have no idea how he is paying his bills.  I never expected any support from him because he always had a hard time keeping a job and I supported the family. During some of his rages he would say how he would leave me with nothing. He would demand DNA test to prove he was the father and that he doesn't believe he should pay.  But if he couldn't speak to the kids on the phone he would throw a fit and say I am damaging children by keeping their father away.   I'm just happy the kids are safe with me and always from all the craziness. I pay for everything related to the children such as school fees, clothes, daycare, etc. It gets really hard but I'd rather be broke then still be married.  I used to get panic attacks when my ex was coming home from work and wondered what he will accuse me of today and will this be the day he attacks me.  Life now is so much more peaceful but the bad memories are still fresh in my mind. 

[ZenMami]

I believe my soon to be ex-husband has BPD, he fits the criteria and it would explain so much that has happened in the past. We have been separated for over a year now but there has been little progress in our divorce.  We have two kids together, who are both with me full time. he has only agreed to see the kids 5 hours every other week. I would like him to have the kids more but he is having a lot of difficulty making it on his own.  When I left him, the kids and I went into hiding and he didn't know where we lived for over 9 months.  He would call 911 claiming that I kidnapped the children and that he believed I was going to leave the city.   When the police talked to him, he screamed at the police because they did not give out my address and that out of town trips are not kidnapping.  We were meeting at the police station to exchange the children for visits. After one visit he lied to our son and told him that I wanted him dropped off at my residence after the visit and our son gave him directions home.a few days later the police showed up at my door because my ex claimed that I was a working prostitute and that the children were in danger in my care.  He claims that my son told him my pimp yells at him and I perform sexual acts in front in the children.  That is only a small piece of some of the constant harassment I have received from my ex.  I periodically block him from my phone  and email only. I was very close to getting a restraining order but I didn't want to escalate his behaviour and jeopardize the visits with the kids.  I had my lawyer send a letter to his lawyer stating that he stop the harrasment or we will pursue a restraining order. So far all the texts have stopped and all the threatening emails are no longer showing up in my inbox.  We now do monitored exchanges for the children with what YWCA.  It has been working well so far.

Shortly after I left my husband he quit is job, saying that he is too stressed out to work.  He cannot send me any child support and says he wants spousal support.  It's been over a year since he last worked and I have no idea how he is paying his bills.  I never expected any support from him because he always had a hard time keeping a job and I supported the family. During some of his rages he would say how he would leave me with nothing. He would demand DNA test to prove he was the father and that he doesn't believe he should pay.  But if he couldn't speak to the kids on the phone he would throw a fit and say I am damaging children by keeping their father away.   I'm just happy the kids are safe with me and always from all the craziness. I pay for everything related to the children such as school fees, clothes, daycare, etc. It gets really hard but I'd rather be broke then still be married.  I used to get panic attacks when my ex was coming home from work and wondered what he will accuse me of today and will this be the day he attacks me.  Life now is so much more peaceful but the bad memories are still fresh in my mind. 

[Inneedofhelp]

I am so sorry you have been through all of this. Unfortunately I know too well what you are describing. I too am separated from my husband who I also strongly believe has BPD or ND-he fits most of the symptoms exactly. He too is rageful and accusatory, which is ridiculous because he is actually the one who had multiple affairs and why I left the house with our 2 children (8 and 12) over 5 years ago. After trying marriage counseling and getting nowhere (it was actually that therapist that told me in confidence that she believes he has BPD) I decided to start the divorce. I even have tried to keep his rage down by going through mediation but I think as the reality hit him that it was happening his rage ( caused by fear of abandonment) got more intense and now is a daily occurrence. We live separately but I have not been good (out of fear mostly) with keeping boundaries so he feels that he can show up unannounced to see the kids or verbally abuse me. Just this week I told him that I have had enough, to let me go and that he is not in control of everything. Guess how well that went? What was the point where you had to escape?

[ZenMami]

I first went to my cousin's house and he came by to try to "bring" us back home and threatened to kill himself if I didn't go back. I told him I was going to call 911 and he said that that would make him mad, so I knew he was bluffing.  He has also reported me for kidnapping and kids multiple times.  Shortly after I moved to my aunts house and never told him. He though I was at another home and he didn't try to come by because we said we would call the police if he came near us again.  I was debating going to a shelter but I didn't want to take a room away from someone who had no where to go.  If you contact a shelter many of them of outreach programs and can help make an escape plan. He has told me that he is in an 8 week treatment program to treat mental illness so he can't work.  After a year of separation he asked me if I wanted to work on the relationship. He says he will forgive me for all my wrong doing