SOS Nasty email on the way to me

[Maiden Sun]

Had another major blow out over control (of me) few days ago.  Given an ugly ultimatum that I refused to bow to, caused him to decide we are done and we will live together as friends.  He's removed his wedding ring and left it on the dresser for since that day.

He's been holed up in his office typing all day.  In the past he has blasted me by email, and I anticipate the arrival of one shortly.  If I respond, he says I am making matters worse by some of my comments.  Emails are long, confusing rants usually about what I do wrong or demanding answers to questions.  The questions are landmines, and a yes or no answer could be lethal to me.   If I don't respond to the email, he says our relationship doesn't matter enough for me to take the time to answer. 

How do I avoid JADE when writing a response to questions that can't be answered with Yes or no?

Any suggestions out there?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Hi Maiden Sun,

Blow outs and ultimatums are no fun  I'm sorry you're going through this with your husband. It's great that you are learning about JADE -- understanding the role it plays in escalating conflict can be helpful.

Do you feel comfortable paraphrasing the questions? Maybe we can suggest some validating responses. They will not cure BPD, tho they can help prevent things from getting worse.

In the past, does he sometimes rant and then return to baseline, as tho nothing ever happened?

LnL