Please help...

[Etuhu]

Hey people, first post...

My girlfriend and I went through quite an "intense" 9 months together. We were with each other every day for that time, basically living together, eating together, etc... .

The have only recently found out that she may have BPD as I always wondered what was wrong with her, I just assumed she had mood swings like most women do. But this was more...

The honeymoon period went really, really well, as I've heard usually do in relationships with BPD. She always seemed interested in me, always seemed like I was the one who really mattered to her.

Anyway in the beginning I told a lie, nothing major but I didn't see it as a problem. Not cheating or anything. I didn't see the point in telling her about it as I thought it was no big deal... .

We had a lot of ups and downs which was mostly her causing arguments over stupid things that most people would ignore but we always got back together. She started questioning me, saying it was too good to be true, we were both looking in each others phones and she'd make remarks about me being 'easily led' so I'd obviously take up any offer if I was out drinking and someone offered it on a plate.

All this questioning in the end made me question her. My thinking was why is she asking me these thinks, there must be a reason. Anyway, a lot of ___ has happened between us but she always said something felt different with me compared to her other boyfriends. I'm a "nice guy" type and put up with a lot of her ___.

She always blamed me for everything even if it was her fault she had a way of turning things around so that I'd eventually apologise.

A couple of weeks ago she found out that I lied and cut me off completely. Silent treatment for 9 days. We then agreed to meet up for a coffee and things led to sex at hers, this happened twice on Wednesday and Friday but each time afterwards she went back to "let's just be friends. I love you but I can't trust you"

Getting back with her those two times actually gave me some hope she might change her mind but no. On the Saturday I saw a message from another guy on her Facebook, nothing obvious but one guy asking to meet for a drink which she said as friends? And gave her number.

She says she loves me but she can't trust me, every time I ask for another chance I feel like she may consider it but there's something stopping her. She gets in a bit of a state.

There definitely is chemistry between us and I love her even though I know that it's probably not best to stay with someone after all these break up/make ups but I love her to bits and she says she still has feelings.

It just hurts because where I used to see her every day now she just ignores me or takes forever to reply to my messages. It's always me initiating any contact.

Should I bother trying to rekindle this or is it too far gone? And how can I regain her trust if she won't meet me in person without me forcing myself on her and showing up at her house as I have been doing.

I feel needy.

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[livednlearned]

Welcome and hello 

It's tough to go from being so close to suddenly cast out.

I feel needy.

This is kryptonite for many relationships, probably more so for BPD relationships.

As hard as it is, she feels lied to and it matters to her. A lot of BPD sufferers cannot trust other people and even this small lie confirms for her what she already brought to the relationship.

Can you give her some space and let her work her way through this? She felt you were different and special, and may need to get over her hurt.

It's often a good idea, if you are doing all the reaching out, to back away until she makes a move. Let her know, "Hey, just want to say hi and let you know I'm here for you anytime you want to talk or get together."

Light and airy, no big drama bomb filled with emotion.

Then work on being the awesome guy she first met, not needy. Confident and attractive 

That's who she will be hoping to meet when/if she reaches out.

[Etuhu]

Thanks for your advice, I will try to back off.

I don't like the idea of her moving onto someone else though, I really don't.

Also every time I ask her for another chance and tell her I would never lie to her again and things with be different, she looks at me and says "I can't trust you."

I can see that she wants to, but something inside will not let her. I really wish she could see how much she means to me, BPD really sucks.

Will she be looking to move on as soon as possible?
.