How to modify when you can't serve the other parent

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

        Well it's about to be 15 months since ex had contact with us. It's been 20 months since he contributed anything. I received an email and a voicemail from Child Support Services saying that he had left his job back in January and they can't do anything since they don't have an address for him or any employment. He left his job before the garnishment order took effect so he has never paid anything. He is now 7k behind and since he hasn't updated his address(homeless) they can't do anything about enforcing the support order. He has never reached out after getting the new Parenting Plan from last October stating that he has to have supervised visits before he can have any other parenting time. I moved last December and sent him a change of address at his last known address which was of course returned to me after 12 attempts by the post office. Our Parenting Plan states that we have joint major decision making, with me having sole medical decision making. It also says if I plan to move out of the school district I have to notify him and give him a chance to contest it. I have been wanting to modify the Parenting Plan since I don't even have a way to contact him and he has obviously abandoned our daughter. I can't reopen the case because I can't get him served! So am I supposed to live under this order forever? Obviously if I moved out of the school district I could just send a notice to that last known address(that he moved from last July) and go since I know he won't contest it since he won't even see the mail. But what do I do when I am supposed to have both parents signature for some major decision that could pop up and I don't even know where he is? I want to put daughter in a private religious based school and they want both parents to consent since it's a private preschool and religious? I also need both parents financial info to apply for a scholarship there since we share legal decision making. I am completely stalled and the court won't do anything unless I can get him served.

[rarsweet]

        Well it's about to be 15 months since ex had contact with us. It's been 20 months since he contributed anything. I received an email and a voicemail from Child Support Services saying that he had left his job back in January and they can't do anything since they don't have an address for him or any employment. He left his job before the garnishment order took effect so he has never paid anything. He is now 7k behind and since he hasn't updated his address(homeless) they can't do anything about enforcing the support order. He has never reached out after getting the new Parenting Plan from last October stating that he has to have supervised visits before he can have any other parenting time. I moved last December and sent him a change of address at his last known address which was of course returned to me after 12 attempts by the post office. Our Parenting Plan states that we have joint major decision making, with me having sole medical decision making. It also says if I plan to move out of the school district I have to notify him and give him a chance to contest it. I have been wanting to modify the Parenting Plan since I don't even have a way to contact him and he has obviously abandoned our daughter. I can't reopen the case because I can't get him served! So am I supposed to live under this order forever? Obviously if I moved out of the school district I could just send a notice to that last known address(that he moved from last July) and go since I know he won't contest it since he won't even see the mail. But what do I do when I am supposed to have both parents signature for some major decision that could pop up and I don't even know where he is? I want to put daughter in a private religious based school and they want both parents to consent since it's a private preschool and religious? I also need both parents financial info to apply for a scholarship there since we share legal decision making. I am completely stalled and the court won't do anything unless I can get him served.

[ForeverDad]

I know divorces and other legal matters can sometimes be published in local papers a few times to satisfy court notice requirements.  I find it hard to believe that everything halts when an ex skips out.  There must be some process... .

[Panda39]

I agree, it seems to me if you can show "due diligence"... .documentation of trying last known address, employer and like ForeverDad mentioned publishing in the local paper etc.  You should have some recourse.  You might try posing the question on https://www.avvo.com/family-law and see what kind of answers you get or if you have an attorney you could ask them what your options are.

Panda39

[flourdust]

I know divorces and other legal matters can sometimes be published in local papers a few times to satisfy court notice requirements.  I find it hard to believe that everything halts when an ex skips out.  There must be some process... .

This makes sense to me. Do you have an attorney? The process of having your ex taken off the custody order due to absenteeism might be very slow, but perhaps you can get an ex parte ruling that would go into effect immediately giving you full custody?

[rarsweet]

Division of Child Support says that a parent has to be notified of any intended actions in order for them to enforce anything. The party needs to have notice of any potential consequences. He can't be in contempt of court, lose his license,fines, jail, nothing unless he has been served notice. At this point he could be charged with a felony since he hasn't paid support for a consecutive year and his license would be revoked.They emailed me that they can't take any action unless he has an address verifiable by the post office. The Court kicked back my motion to modify because he can't get served. They won't reopen the case unless he is served by the sheriff. In my state they will only do alternative service, like the newspaper, if it is a TPR case. You can't terminate parental rights in this state unless there is a step parent willing to adopt, I don't even date.

[rarsweet]

I really wouldn't even care about changing the parenting plan except that I worry about encountering this problem of needing 2 signatures. My mom told me to just lie whenever I do any paperwork that asks for legal custody info and say that it's just me. I don't relish the thought of lying on any document though.

[ForeverDad]

As peer support we can offer our ideas, strategies and what worked (or didn't) for us.  Yours are legal questions for the most part and you may need a consultation with a family law attorney to get legal advice.

Do you have any proof that you haven't found him?  I'm thinking you may need to provide such documentation when you face requirements for two signatures.  "I'm sorry, here is my court paperwork and also proof I don't know where he is.  I do want your services (school, doctor, etc) but that's all I can provide."  If you have proof of 'due diligence' then that may be sufficient.

Technically, I would assume he has the responsibility to provide the court with his address and contact information.  If you knew that information then of course you could provide it.  Until contact occurs or you have new information, continue sending paperwork to his last known address (or the address on file with court?) and save the returned mail as proof that you did your part, your 'due diligence'.  Beyond that, live your life.  After all, you can't put your life on hold while he goes absentee.

You decide to move, send the required relocation notice, save his returned mail.  You did what you reasonably could.

Do similarly for the other issues when you encounter them.