My boyfriend of almost 3 years has BPD which is currently going untreated. He has a wonderful heart, and has recently struggled with the death of both parents over the past several years. He has always been a social drinker, but recently has been drinking to excess and becoming full of rage after too many. He can't seem to handle any little thing going wrong in his life, and reacts like a child would, becoming very melodramatic with extreme emotional reactions to seemingly small hiccups in life that most ppl would shrug off. He has started to become emotionally abusive with me after drinking, and two weeks ago I had to put my foot down and say he was crossing a line with me and I would no longer continue to watch him kill himself with alcohol. He went for four days straight drinking 1.75 liters of vodka every other day. I'm sure he's trying to self medicate with the alcohol, which only makes his emotional issues and extremes a million times worse. My heart is just broken.
He has managed to pull himself together the past few weeks after his four day bender, but it took me threatening to leave him and a LOT of emotional distress on my part to get him to knock off the drinking.
I am by no means thinking a few weeks of peace means he is back in control of himself. I am keeping expectations in check and hopes realistic, but I just don't know how much more I can handle. I have my own issues with anxiety and panic attacks / ptsd. His emotional roller coaster ride has been triggering panic attacks for me. 90% of the time he's a sweet loving man. But that other 10% scares me to death. I don't think he'd ever hurt me physically, but in the heat of his emotional anger he says the cruelest things at times.
I guess I'm turning to the wonderful people on this message board for any advice and support I can find. I love sam and don't want to leave him. But I can't stand by and watch him drink himself to death. I would like him to see a therapist and have been gently bringing it up at times when he is in a proper mood for open communication. He seems somewhat open but the cost worries him as we have no health insurance. His drama is starting to affect my health and my job. So I have had to draw some hard lines in the sand. I wish I knew how to say the right thing to calm his mind. I don't want to leave, bc he has amazing qualities and can love just as intensely as the negative emotions. I just don't know when enough is enough. I really don't know where he should start getting help. He is reluctant to try any medication, which I do understand and empathize with.
Any tips or advice are appreciated. Also, now that he isn't drinking heavily, he seems to have odd periods of being extremely sleepy and lethargic. Almost like someone with low blood sugar. Is this something attributable to BPD? He had the day off work today for example, and when I spoke with him on my lunch break from work, he was full of energy and peppy / excited to see me later. When I get home five hours later, however, he can hardly keep his eyes open and seems depressed or lethargic. Almost like he's taken anxiety meds or sleeping pills but hasn't. I don't think he's been lying and sneaking alcohol - he usually acts almost manic and raging when he's been drinking. This is very different.
It's just so hard to navigate the highs and lows he's going through each day without going through the same emotions myself. I'm trying to maintain healthy distance emotionally when he's feeling extremes, but I can't help but be concerned. I'm trying my best not to let my happiness depend on whether he's having a good day or not. But I admit it's been hard. I don't like who I am turning into lately.
It seems like the more time he has to be alone and stuck inside his own head with his thoughts so to speak, the worse his mood gets. He says he just doesn't know what to do with himself when I'm not around. And that scares me. There's a big guilt factor I'm facing which is, if I do reach my emotional limit with him and I have to leave to protect my own mental health, if he becomes suicidal and hurts himself, I will be so so so heartbroken. He doesn't make threats like that, but he's so afraid that I'll leave him and yet can be so cruel to me esp after drinking.
I was just wondering if there are others out there who have gone through or are currently going through anything similar. I don't want to give up on him if he's willing to get some help. He has a good heart but can be so dark regarding his own self esteem. He is always so paranoid that others think badly of him. And he's always paranoid that I'll cheat on him. It all just makes me so sad.
He was misdiagnosed as bipolar when he was in his later teens and went to talk therapy for a few months. His parents were so terrible about taking him to doctors for any health issue but esp anything mental health related. He said the therapy helped, but lately it just seems like he doesn't have the will to seek out help. Like he doesn't think it's worthwhile or that he is worth the money it will cost us. I am a very committed and loyal person, and am willing to work through hard times if he's just willing to try. I'm just not sure how to approach it without upsetting him.
Sorry for the novel here. I have soo many stories I could tell and questions I could ask. I am so new to BPD, and I have so much compassion for him after all he's gone through. I just don't want to give up on him. he's never given up on me. If I do end up leaving, I at least want to be able to say I gave it everything I had.
Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read over this.
I know I'm just an anonymous person out here searching for answers in a bleak situation. I am a good listener and am so grateful to have found this community. Your feedback in any area is so welcomed and appreciated.
