So frustrated I can't even think of a "subject"

[stevethemule]

I am a 53 y.o. mother of two girls, one of who has been diagnosed with BPD.  She is 26, single with a 6 yo boy. 

Life for her Dad and I is constantly waiting for "the other shoe to drop".  There is ALWAYS some drama going on.  She was diag. is February 2017, until that time, we have been mystified with her behavior.  Cutting, rages, job instability, etc. 

Many things I would like to discuss, I'm just so tearful and frustrated that I can't organize my thoughts.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi stevethemule

I'd like to welcome you to the forum. I'm very sorry to hear of your daughter's diagnosis. For us, it made sense and answered questions, then created even more! BPD is devastating and exhausting, behaviours that stretch you so much. I'm sorry you're going through this.

My BPDs26 got diagnosed at 24 following a crisis. I joined the forum and got to reading and learning about BPD. This helped me understand why he behaves the way he does. The knowledge helped me not react, it helped me be calmer. I've learnt better communication and validation skills and my BPDs has responded positively to them. I focussed on our core relationship as it had broken down. We have a good relationship despite the problems.

I encourage you to take a look at the Start Here at the top right hand if this page. The information will help you immensely. Knowledge is power and "when we know better, we do better". It's baby steps for a while. You can find a way forwards for yourself and family.

This forum has been my life saviour. I'm glad your found us and look forward to reading your posts. You'll find support, advice if you need it and guidance.

Is your daughter in treatment and does she and your grandchild live with you?

Hugs to you

LP

[Mamadukes]

Hi Stevethemule,

We are with you. Living with a BPD sufferer is very very hard (understatement). I'm a newbie at this forum too. I sure am finding that the more I learn about this disorder and the helpful strategies for coping, the better I am doing at being supportive and communicating more clearly with my BPDs26.

Keep coming back!
MamaDukes

[wendydarling]

Hiya Stevethemule 

I join Lollypop and Mamadukes in welcoming you to bpdfamily. 

February is a very recent diagnosis it's no wonder you are tearful with what you've been dealing with, it takes us time to process what this means for us and our loved ones. Being gentle on myself, foot off my accelerator provided my DD space to stand back, and me to validate her diagnosis, a start to building the foundations of a life that works for her, not me or societies expectations.

You are not alone, as you'll see from reading members posts, posting and learning sure does help us move forwards as Mamadukes says.

I joined bpdfamily 18 months ago. My 28DD was diagnosed the same month my dear 95 father passed March 2015, it was a confusing time for me I was grieving for two loved ones at the same time. I eventually invested in bereavement counselling (six sessions) to work through, by the end of the first session it was crystal clear I was grieving my DD's BPD. This allowed me to celebrate my father, feel close to him and celebrate with DD her loving Poppa, amazing man who provided love, balance and understanding to who ever he met.

I guess what I'm trying to say is there is a lot more than BPD happening in our lives at any point and it's good for us to work through, recognise that and speak out as it helps.

Organising your thoughts ... .take your time, reflecting for quite a long time really works for me, I'm a slow thoughtful thinker and identifying two top priorities at my pace I can see through is managable.

We are here, walking the path with you, small gentle steps work for me.

WDx

[stevethemule]

Thank you all for responding, your words gave me some much needed sunshine!

My grandson lives with his mother, my daughter.  Since her diagnosis, it to has been a relief (especially to her) that her condition has a "name".  She was actually uplifted to have answers. 

She is in treatment, and seems to be grabbing onto any literature and resources with a very hopeful attitude.

I am the "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" kinda personality, so I'm also educating myself to understand her predicament.  Am currently reading "When Hope is Not Enough" by Bon Dobbs.  Interesting, kinda hard to stay focused with so much detail. 

She is an RN, owns her own home and is raising her son.  It's a struggle for her and us as her family.

I feel a sense of relief hearing from you all.  Thanks again.