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Author Topic: I just feel like crawling up and dying why did I Check his social media site  (Read 401 times)
Idsrvt2
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 281


« on: April 28, 2017, 04:02:18 PM »

After a good counseling session yesterday I woke up today knowing it was bad and I checked the site we are both on. And there it was , his profile updated and him saying he was getting back into shape and getting back out into the scene

The reason I was dumped and a PO filed against me was because it all started with me texting him that I needed a break and when he was ready to get off 2nd life and sleep in his bed and get help and rejoin the living to get in touch.

He dumped me coldly as most that follow on here know...

I saw he posted a msg to a local group asking if a certain place was still in business as he is getting back out there again,
For those that don't know he said he was transgender and it was that personality I liked the most... .and it's the female persona he will be going back out as
There was no need to update his profile as he hasn't in years ... .so he did this no doubt so I would see it eventually.
But it's tough and it hurts like hell that he now plans to do all I wanted him to do without me ... .
so after he destroyed my life now he gets to live his
I can't even eat after seeing it... .here I am struggling and he's just able to live like nothing happened.
Those posts were made days after the court date... .it's unreal
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Bluerskies

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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 11


« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2017, 04:21:13 PM »

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  It's terribly difficult when they show no signs of hurting like you do.  When I have to experience that (which is right now!) I try to think about how pain does bring us to a better place eventually- we do grow from it.  They aren't in a place to grow, but we are.  Sending you healing thoughts.
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roberto516
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #2 on: April 28, 2017, 04:34:58 PM »

I'm sorry   if it's any solace just know that they are in pain. At all times of their life. That's why they numb it with whatever they can. BPD or not I came to understand that anytime someone posts stuff on facebook about that they actually feel the exact opposite
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“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.”
Idsrvt2
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 281


« Reply #3 on: April 28, 2017, 04:41:56 PM »

Thank you for your support, I'm here alone in my room crying this isn't me it's not who I am , but somehow he was able to destroy me ... .and I'm so hurt that he's doing what I always wanted to with him... I was so supportive... .but he saw me as abusive and feared me... .so now suddenly just five days after court he is able to get back into shape and going to get back out into the world ... .when he wouldn't for me.
Instead of dumping me he dumped me so horribly and filed a protection order... .I see him again in July ... he delivers mail still so I noticed he was off most of the week, so thankfully I've had some peace ... .but he will be back carrying on as normal.

so I just was not good enough for him to get back out into life and now he will do it... . it is just so unreal I mean he would run from my house to go back into his room and now he will go out and be normal

I'm so sorry for what you are going through.  It's terribly difficult when they show no signs of hurting like you do.  When I have to experience that (which is right now!) I try to think about how pain does bring us to a better place eventually- we do grow from it.  They aren't in a place to grow, but we are.  Sending you healing thoughts.
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Idsrvt2
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 281


« Reply #4 on: April 28, 2017, 04:47:17 PM »

I guess he could be in pain... .during one breakup he said that one day I will see how much he really suffered... .I'm just not sure ... .I mean why post that he's getting back out there he just needs to get back into shape... .   unless he saw my profile and what I posted , by the blocked me so odds are that's not it either.

So now he's going to be his female persona again but wouldn't with me even though I supported it ... .that's what hurts .

I guess his therapy is working since march ... at the time he posted he went to two... .it's the timing of it all .  The guy couldn't even leave his house to sleep with me and sleeps on a floor I don't get it
I'm sorry   if it's any solace just know that they are in pain. At all times of their life. That's why they numb it with whatever they can. BPD or not I came to understand that anytime someone posts stuff on facebook about that they actually feel the exact opposite
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OptimusRhyme
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
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« Reply #5 on: April 28, 2017, 05:29:35 PM »

and I'm so hurt that he's doing what I always wanted to with him... I was so supportive... .but he saw me as abusive and feared me... .so now suddenly just five days after court he is able to get back into shape and going to get back out into the world ... .when he wouldn't for me.

Well, trying and succeeding can be two different things. Part of the vision that you wanted him to work for was one where he would take others' (yours)  feelings and sacrifices into account, reciprocate, be grateful, etc. You wanted your efforts to be validated and appreciated.

Whatever house of cards he's building now will be as superficially attractive as the assumed vision you were paying into with your sacrifice. But it'll be just as empty, and just as damaging to whoever his next partner is in building that. The type of person who can inflict massive amounts of pain on others and decide to cut and run rather than apologize and atone/mend, and the type of person who respects previous experiences and lessons and applies them to building a healthy, satisfying life, are mutually exclusive.

He wouldn't for you because he can't for anybody, because he can't do it for himself. You didn't miss your chance at the happiness you envisioned, you were given the freedom to go find a partner who can actually accompany you on that journey.
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Idsrvt2
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 281


« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2017, 08:11:38 PM »


Thank you, this makes a lot of sense and I have read your reply below atleast ten times to let it sink in.  He will still have his fears of people and all the feelings of why he became a recluse to begin with.
He even in the post said he's not dead yet.  He once told me people assumed he died as they stopped contacting him after he told them he was not going to become her.
I also have to remember the day he came to me and told me he has depression and a personality disorder because he has two personas.

He knew I have health issues and still he did all this to me , but yet claimed to still feel for me , but in court refused to agree to six months for both orders so we could just go home ... .nope instead we sat... .which he knew hurt me physically.

I have to remember who he is ... despite the happy female side... he's a hallow shell that's has forty plus firearms and a huge gun safe in his living room. He's the guy that didn't cook for me and dropped me off.  He's the guy that told me he forms no connections with people and should be alone and now he knows he should be alone for life.

I can't see how he couldn't have a healthy relationship with me but now is able to go out in public amongst those that don't even accept who he is .

No one replied to his post... .I get the feeling he burned many bridges
Like you said wanting to do something and doing it are different.

He said many times to me he wanted to go back out there... .yet would still sleep on a floor next to a computer ... .he didn't change because he didn't want to do so.   
There is no doubt he will come find me as the female version of himself .   I have to prepare for it by taking care of myself and going to counseling etc.
I see him or her in July and I thought I would be stronger by now ,
Two months out and I feel not much better
This by far is the hardest thing I have dealt with... for someone to take my acceptance of them when the world doesn't accept them and instead of embracing it ... shattering me to pieces.

My counselor said she hears so many boundary violations with him, and abuse , constant instability and energy draining behaviour .   I haven't told her of the transgender yet ... ,but might next week... .

I still haven't eaten today ... the whole day is gone now


Well, trying and succeeding can be two different things. Part of the vision that you wanted him to work for was one where he would take others' (yours)  feelings and sacrifices into account, reciprocate, be grateful, etc. You wanted your efforts to be validated and appreciated.

Whatever house of cards he's building now will be as superficially attractive as the assumed vision you were paying into with your sacrifice. But it'll be just as empty, and just as damaging to whoever his next partner is in building that. The type of person who can inflict massive amounts of pain on others and decide to cut and run rather than apologize and atone/mend, and the type of person who respects previous experiences and lessons and applies them to building a healthy, satisfying life, are mutually exclusive.

He wouldn't for you because he can't for anybody, because he can't do it for himself. You didn't miss your chance at the happiness you envisioned, you were given the freedom to go find a partner who can actually accompany you on that journey.
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Idsrvt2
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 281


« Reply #7 on: April 29, 2017, 07:57:29 AM »

Today is no better, I'm waking up numb I have no emotions but deep hurt ... .
He has destroyed everything in me
It's as if he has no sense of what he has done to me at all... .

When he reads my site he's in for an eye opening that's for sure ... .

And I'm going to reclaim my neighborhood he only works here he does not live here and I will be walking and sitting outside as I always did... .if he's in his route that's on him... .let him see me Andy be reminded of all he caused

I'm not hisnonly victim here either... there is a woman up the road that he called bipolar , years ago I mentioned her and her weight loss and he said she fluctuates like that... .he prob ran her into the ground too.  The post office so far doesn't care... .I only wish he could get his guns removed... .I'm surprised he didn't post about that on the group... .so there he will be on a scene with vulnerable people with guns ... .

And when I was dumped he was sure he could never leave his house again... .nownit seems he has nondepression and will re enter as her.

No doubt he will come looking for me.   As his atty told me he only broke up with me due to low self esteem and thought I deserved better.

In his mind he probably think she I'm going around happy ... .not sitting here devastated ... .I have to remember these days ... how he left me like this knowing about my health issues etc ... .
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