Thank you, this makes a lot of sense and I have read your reply below atleast ten times to let it sink in. He will still have his fears of people and all the feelings of why he became a recluse to begin with.
He even in the post said he's not dead yet. He once told me people assumed he died as they stopped contacting him after he told them he was not going to become her.
I also have to remember the day he came to me and told me he has depression and a personality disorder because he has two personas.
He knew I have health issues and still he did all this to me , but yet claimed to still feel for me , but in court refused to agree to six months for both orders so we could just go home ... .nope instead we sat... .which he knew hurt me physically.
I have to remember who he is ... despite the happy female side... he's a hallow shell that's has forty plus firearms and a huge gun safe in his living room. He's the guy that didn't cook for me and dropped me off. He's the guy that told me he forms no connections with people and should be alone and now he knows he should be alone for life.
I can't see how he couldn't have a healthy relationship with me but now is able to go out in public amongst those that don't even accept who he is .
No one replied to his post... .I get the feeling he burned many bridges
Like you said wanting to do something and doing it are different.
He said many times to me he wanted to go back out there... .yet would still sleep on a floor next to a computer ... .he didn't change because he didn't want to do so.
There is no doubt he will come find me as the female version of himself . I have to prepare for it by taking care of myself and going to counseling etc.
I see him or her in July and I thought I would be stronger by now ,
Two months out and I feel not much better
This by far is the hardest thing I have dealt with... for someone to take my acceptance of them when the world doesn't accept them and instead of embracing it ... shattering me to pieces.
My counselor said she hears so many boundary violations with him, and abuse , constant instability and energy draining behaviour . I haven't told her of the transgender yet ... ,but might next week... .
I still haven't eaten today ... the whole day is gone now
Well, trying and succeeding can be two different things. Part of the vision that you wanted him to work for was one where he would take others' (yours) feelings and sacrifices into account, reciprocate, be grateful, etc. You wanted your efforts to be validated and appreciated.
Whatever house of cards he's building now will be as superficially attractive as the assumed vision you were paying into with your sacrifice. But it'll be just as empty, and just as damaging to whoever his next partner is in building that. The type of person who can inflict massive amounts of pain on others and decide to cut and run rather than apologize and atone/mend, and the type of person who respects previous experiences and lessons and applies them to building a healthy, satisfying life, are mutually exclusive.
He wouldn't for you because he can't for anybody, because he can't do it for himself. You didn't miss your chance at the happiness you envisioned, you were given the freedom to go find a partner who can actually accompany you on that journey.