Grandson is living with a narcissist mother

[Austin53]

I am the mother of 35 yr old daughter,raising a 15 yr old son,stepfather in picture for 11 yrs. Family is middle class, both parents work good jobs. Grandson freshman in high school. As a mother I have been berated by this daughter since she turned 13. Have always know there was a mental problem and got her treatment for add in grade school. She did wonderful but refused to take the Meds a Jr high level. No drugs or alcohol involvement. Grandson born at age of 20 don't know who the dad is. It not that I didn't know she had issues with anger it was that no one else can see it. Her sweet personality, outgoing nature and empathy towards the outside world is alive and well,but once you are out of ear shot of the outside world it's on with a vengeance. She doesn't live physical marks she leaves mental scars that don't go away to every family member in her path. Then 1 day or 2 weeks you never know its like nothing ever took place. My grandson is having anger issues at school and having problems socializing. He is yelled at by her every waking moment as is the stepdad, who is hiding under a rock. Yet he works for dept of human services for abused children. She tells my grandson to get out at least 2 times a week. Friday night took his phone told him to get out and go sleep under a park bench( yes I'm sure he was back talking to her, he is not an angel) he had had enough and left at 830 pm walked 10 miles to his aunts house. Mother was called to notify of his location and left him there till next day, called police as a runaway and he was returned. Schools teachers counsellors, her md only see the sweet person and think we are nuts and that grandson is a spoiled brat with a perfect home life. His aunt and I both would take him and support him in a minute but this just made her madder and now contact has been cut off. Any suggestion. If she ever got in front of a judge he would laugh at us thinking what a perfect wife and mother.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[livednlearned]

Hi Austin53,

It is the hardest thing to bear witness to abuse and feel powerless to stop it

I'm so sorry your daughter has berated you for most of her life, and is now continuing with her own child. I do think narcissism makes things much worse, at least that has been my experience.

I have a son (15), and it is a tough enough time for them without having an abusive parent. Do you have a good relationship with him? How is his relationship with his aunt/your other daughter?

And the fact his dad works for dept of human services for abused children   is just, wow.

Glad you posted. It really does help to know you're not alone.

LnL