Just Commited BPD husband to treatment center after suicide attempt - now what?

[Pato]

I am new here first post. Glad to find a support board or I would have overextended some friendships!

We are a gay couple of eight years, two legally married. He is Colombian I am US so for the first several years wrote everything off to stereotypical Latin temper and passion.

Things have gotten so much worse in last 2 years. Tried couple's counseling and I felt a huge relief when the counselor said Jason (not real name) needed treatment for addiction and other issues... .anxiety depression. Because a neutral third party agreed I wasn't imagining all is. Natch Jason blamed it all on the evil psychologist who was against him, he wasn't crazy!

I moved to another part of the house after going on a planned two week trip alone. Leaving him behind set him off, he said he wouldnt be around when I returned and took off wedding ring. Two days later, a message received said he wanted to work on fixing things. Upon arrival, I got an apology for "everything " but no insight as to what could change. So I stayed in the other house bedroom and said there was no hope if he didnt get psychological treatment.

I have been pretty much ignored sexually for years... .So after having someone over and it turned i to sex I felt no guilt. He found out and went ballistic: rage followed by depression then ttwo lame suicide attempts. He broke into my iPhone and was mad I was talking to my support network of friend about him (puttingg him down, calling him crazy, etc.

After attempt 1 he went to a psychiatrist who gave him some SSRIs. Which he took all at one for attempt #2. At the hospital Dr. Recommended a treatment center for 28 days. He agreed as he kew it was the last chance with me. Checked in two days ago: he is cooperating, in a great facility, and Drs agree he meets almost all the BPD criteria. Our couples counselor did not use this label.

Now reading up on BPD, I am confliccted. I am so tired of the troubles I just wish he'd stay there... .so I am free. I want him to get better, but don't know if I have patience or strength to stick around or have him back. Chances for improvement are low and will take years. I am out of gas.

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[gotbushels]

Hi Pato 

Welcome to the site.

I hope I can offer you some support on some of the things you've faced.

I am new here first post. Glad to find a support board or I would have overextended some friendships!

A good idea. I felt uncomfortable after a point sharing things with my friends and support network.

We are a gay couple of eight years, two legally married. He is Colombian I am US so for the first several years wrote everything off to stereotypical Latin temper and passion.

In the first year or so of my own relationship, I wrote things off to my partner's disposition.

Leaving him behind set him off, he said he wouldnt be around when I returned and took off wedding ring.

I faced something very similar to this several times. It involved anxiety from my partner, removal of rings, and physical distance.

Now reading up on BPD, I am confliccted. I am so tired of the troubles I just wish he'd stay there... .so I am free. I want him to get better, but don't know if I have patience or strength to stick around or have him back. Chances for improvement are low and will take years. I am out of gas.

I know this feeling of being out of gas. Regardless of what decision you make for yourself, I hope you'll take this time to exercise self-compassion. Given what you've shared about the rolling conflict, this article on Wisemind will help you:
https://bpdfamily.com/content/triggering-and-mindfulness-and-wise-mind

There's a video here that works on a related concept:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=89910.msg604907#msg604907

I hope you find peace.