I just want to scream

[Baby Girl]

Good morning,

My heart is broken! And no one seems to get that. People keep asking me how you doing? How do they think im doing. Yes I just want to scream!

This is now the 9th time that my son, 16 years old has been in the hospital since November 2016. He is also 2 hours away which makes it harder to see him.

This is trying to drive me insane. My family is mad at my son because of his behaviors and I get that but they also need to recognize that he has borderline, bipolar, lack of impulse control. They are struggling which is making me very upset, sadden and feeling as if I just want to curl up in a ball and be to myself. Everyone else wants to be cuddled and made to feel better but what about my son, what about me.

Help me! I need someone to hear me.

Babygirl

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Baby Girl, you are being heard!  You have taken an important step to post on this forum and many eyes have read what you have written.  Your feelings are being validated because we/they know of your kind of pain... .maybe not the exact same... .but similar... .all pain.

I, myself, am going through a crisis with my daughter at this point... .an escalating crisis that is making me more and more concerned about her safety... .or possibly mine... .as she spirals out of control.    My heart is hurting but I know I have to get control of myself in order to deal with this situation. 

I have taken time this morning to sit quietly, close my eyes and take deep breaths.  I know more is to come and I have to be strong and prepared.

There are no quick fixes, Baby Girl.  It is baby-steps and, first/foremost, looking after yourself.  It is a good thing that your son is in a hospital and under observation.  I am hoping for that safety net for my child, too.

Each of your family members has to deal with their own emotions regarding your son... .each will have a different story to tell of their journey with him.  If you are able to stay rational, you might just be a great role model for them.

Hugs to you, Baby Girl!  Hang in there!  You can do it.

[MomMae]

Hi Baby Girl,

I just want to echo what Huat has already said so well... .  I am so sorry for what you are going through with your son.  We understand how you feel and hear you with extreme empathy.

Just so you know, you are not alone in wanting to scream.  I have screamed... .and kicked... .(the floor) and felt totally out of control.  I have done it while alone a couple of times, and once, in front of my husband, which totally freaked him out... .But he also understood, because he has been through it all, too, with our daughter, 20.  It was at this point that we truly realized we do have to take care of ourselves first, because if we lose who we are, we are no use to anyone. 

You are not alone.  Others do understand. Hugs go out to you, Baby Girl. 

[Baby Girl]

Wow thank you so much to Huat and MomMae. I just needed for someone to hear me. I needed your kindness words and thoughts. I will take what you both said. This is a tough road but i know that I have to keep to moving. I am grateful for this outlet.

Thank you both again.

BabyGirl