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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: neuroticism/avoidant personality type, anyone have these traits?  (Read 359 times)
lucky013
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 75


« on: May 19, 2017, 12:09:29 PM »

Someone whos mother has BPD and dated many girls with BPD. This is something that i have come to realise that i strongly sit under these categories.
Has anyone else experienced this ?
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joeramabeme
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: In process of divorcing
Posts: 995



« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2017, 05:33:56 PM »

I am not sure that I have these specific traits but certainly have others that were part of why I became involved with my exuwBPD

To some degree, most of us are likely to have some extraneous emotional and psychological traits to be with and STAY attracted to an individual with BPD.  There is far too much that is out of balance for any well adjusted and centered person to stick around for an extended period of time.

Though we come here with loads of pain and strife, hopefully at some point, all of us get to realizing that relationships require two people that are willing to say yes to one another.  Even if saying yes is explicitly or implicitly saying; you can be abusive and I will try to improve/change/hope/not get angry etc... .  It is still a relationship of our own will that we could leave, but mostly don't want to for extraneous reasons.

What I still find to be the most challenging is seeing the "payoff".  Perhaps that is because we are always the last ones to see our own growth (or demise).  But if I get out of the sad mindset I can see that I have changed for the better in many ways.  Perhaps the ultimate is to achieve that goal of feeling at one with another without having to excuse yourself for who and what you are and to be accepted. 

I know self-acceptance is a big key for me.  If I can comfortably and honestly say to myself this is who I be; how can anyone really challenge that if I am ok with it myself? 

After that, I think it is possible to achieve the payoff, but not easy.
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