Offer of friendship sure sign you're about to be discarded

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I've experienced this myself and have read it many times on this forum.

It's once again one of those actions that they pull out of the old BPD playbook.

It usually plays out like this. Following a devaluation,  and eventual recycle, the BPD brings up having met someone new. They now request a break after having a mini honeymoon phase.  Where they might have professed their love. Matter of factly, the next day they bring up having met someone while being broken up with us.

Here is where the option of friendship comes up. The BPD will ask for space with the guise of having to work all this confusion. Truth is, this"special" person has been in the mix for weeks.  Once they pass a series of ___ tests, they are deemed worthy, and we're deemed expendable.  Here comes the offer of friendship.  This is an official offer of being an orbiter. Join the rank of exes who won't / can't move on, and a whole slew of new guys waiting in line for a taste.

[Rayban]

I've experienced this myself and have read it many times on this forum.

It's once again one of those actions that they pull out of the old BPD playbook.

It usually plays out like this. Following a devaluation,  and eventual recycle, the BPD brings up having met someone new. They now request a break after having a mini honeymoon phase.  Where they might have professed their love. Matter of factly, the next day they bring up having met someone while being broken up with us.

Here is where the option of friendship comes up. The BPD will ask for space with the guise of having to work all this confusion. Truth is, this"special" person has been in the mix for weeks.  Once they pass a series of ___ tests, they are deemed worthy, and we're deemed expendable.  Here comes the offer of friendship.  This is an official offer of being an orbiter. Join the rank of exes who won't / can't move on, and a whole slew of new guys waiting in line for a taste.

[roberto516]

I was about to go to bed and I read this. Thank you. After the first recycle and discard she asked about being friends numerous times. Each time I told her no. Even when she baited me with "what if I want to try again?" Deep down I knew this. That she'd get the emotional support without any relationship committment. I'm glad, in a way, I didn't fall for it. Once I knew she'd never stop resenting me/commit to us I'm glad I didn't accept friendship. I did help her a couple times with emotional support but I'll let her have those. It's the least I could do to not be like she is.

Thanks for this. I don't think there's anything wrong with telling someone you love them and it's either work on the relationship or nothing. I'm glad I stuck to that. I couldn't envision hurting an ex and then being confused when they didn't want to be my friend and offer me support. It's a head scratcher.

[uncleowenrip]

Thanks for the thread. I'm in similar sort of situation. Just broke up with my now exBPD girlfriend exactly one week ago. Long story short, she was sexting other men, wanted to continue doing it after being caught, I broke it off because I couldn't handle that.

No contact at all between us then yesterday she texts asking if I'm free. I wasn't, but made plans with her for dinner on Friday. Of course, now my mind goes crazy wondering what is on her mind. I am betting now she is thinking of offering friendship.

Thing is, I've definitely thought about how dumb it is that someone that was my best friend, and I was so in love with just a few days ago, now I suddenly can't talk to them. Still, I'm at a point where I wonder if staying friends with her will just make it harder to get over her and move forward. Plus, she always needed a lot of support, so roberto516 pointing out that friendship may be a way to continue that without any relationship commitment makes a lot of sense to me.

This line stuck out to me too...

"Join the rank of exes who won't / can't move on, and a whole slew of new guys waiting in line for a taste."

Totally. She's moved far from home, but back home she has a lot of exes she's still friends with. One in particular is her "bestie" who follows her around like a lap dog whenever we would visit there together. A big part of me does want to remain friends. Still, I don't want to sit around and hear about her new boyfriends, waiting for a chance to get back with her. That's stupid.

Any advice on how you might handle these sorts of conversations/situations when they come up from the BPD?