why am i here?

[bird 70]

No longer can i take the uncertainity.  Life sucks i have enabled my wife for more than a quarter of a century. It is my fault.  I just dont want to be alone. I have allowed the loss of friendsn i have no time or place of my own. We are attached we are together all of the time .  i am scared i have no life and worse than that i have no future.   I am old and tired

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[JoeBPD81]

Hey bird 70,
I'm sorry to hear things are looking so down for you. We all have lived the uncertainty and enabled our loved ones until we learned better, and after that too. It's not your fault, it's not easy to do otherwise.

It's never too late to start changing things. You need to do it for yourself. You can take back what you need. Your wife doesn't want you to be misserable, she demands things, she complains... .Because she doesn't know another way to do things, you are the one that has to teach her what is acceptable and what isn't.

She's going to oppose change, but if you already expect that, you can be prepared. If you know something is fair, you just do it, if she doesn't like it, she can talk about it when she is not estressed, but she has to learn to let you live. I'm sure she wants you to be happy.

Stay strong, mate.

[Shane87]

As JoeBPD81 pointed out, be patient.  You're coming to understand what you are dealing with.  It's going to take some time to fully sink in.  In the meantime, do your best not to panic nor despair.  Try to not be reactionary to the things your wife does to berate or bait you.

Start with rebuilding yourself.  As you rebuild your self esteem and confidence, you'll find greater strength to do what you need to do to help your relationship with your wife.