Another dream

[Emotions]

Dreamed of her again last night... .makes it harder to get her out of my mind this morning, but easier than a couple weeks ago. We even hugged and smooched a little, but in the distance was an energy of her new relationship. So I said let's turn around and he won't see us hugging. I always felt like I was the first fiddle, but maybe there is a switch and I am now playing second fiddle even in my dreams. Anyway just wanted to share to my BPD family. I wish I could have dreamed about flying or traveling to Hawaii or something, but atleast it wasn't a nightmare. Have a good morning, I'll post later today probably knowing me. Peace love and virtue to all who read this.

[Confused99]

Same thing happened to me last night. I'm six months NC and I dreamt that she was with her new older man. She was being so sweet and kind to him. And I was begging her to come back to me. It sucks As I have the same dream over and over again. I'm always trying to win her back and she wants nothing to do with me. 

[roberto516]

I had a dream 2 nights ago she was with someone knew. It sucked. But I did have a dream a month ago where we were back together. And in my dream I was miserable because of it. I'll always hang my hat on that. Because my subconscious even knows the truth. That I don't ever want to be with her again. The high and then the pain of sacrificing to get that high back isn't worth it. Slowhy we are all coming out of the fog

[Emotions]

Thanks guys, as I I start to slowly see myself again, which is happening, and is the person she first fell in love with, I learn that this is her loss too. She is losing an amazing person and friend who would have been loyal kind and loving to her every day of her life. Now it's time to be those things to myself. Maybe this split happened for a reason, and that is to get myself back. I'm just as important to me as what my mind remembers about her.

[roberto516]

Thanks guys, as I I start to slowly see myself again, which is happening, and is the person she first fell in love with, I learn that this is her loss too. She is losing an amazing person and friend who would have been loyal kind and loving to her every day of her life. Now it's time to be those things to myself. Maybe this split happened for a reason, and that is to get myself back. I'm just as important to me as what my mind remembers about her.

Exactly! I'm not perfect. That's for dang sure. But she lost a good one. Sounds like they all did. I'm glad to see this introspection and positive outlook. Just a other example of how we are all growing. Keep it up my friend!

[Emotions]

Thanks Roberto! I needed that. It helps to see encouragement and although we have never met, I consider you my friend as well. Keep the light shining

[Doughboy]

I had one of these last night but mine is not as positive in my opinion. 

My centered around the uBPDexfiance's kids driving the 3 hrs to my house to convince me to come back with them because Mom has spent 5 months VERY upset and remorseful for splitting up.  I on the other hand am doing good but no relationship with anyone.  I go with them and when we get there the Ex is at the store but all of her friends, Mother, and Pastor are there and they explain that she has been diagnosed and is doing Therapy but that she is/was too ashamed to admit to me she made a mistake and is just suffering through it all.  The ask if I would talk to her and try to see what can be done because they are out of ideas and they know I am thhe final piece in the puzzle to her getting better.  They all also apologized for how they treated me and admitted that they enabled her.

The Ex gets back from the store and everyone is out back and they have a mini intervention telling her she has to talk to me.  She finally agrees.  They tell her to go to her room where it is quiet and she can be alone and then to come back and talk to them after.  I am in the room sitting in a chair so when she comes in she loses composure, I hug her, and then we have a long talk.  I agree that we can start to date again but no promises and we will see how it goes.  I set all kinds of boundary's on what I will no longer accept.  We negotiate a little on things and then go downstairs where she tells them what we talked about and that all of them have to treat me better and give me the benefit of the doubt.

We then start cooking a big meal for everyone and I stay the night and sleep in her bed.  I refuse sex but we cuddle and fall asleep in each others arms.  The next morning we get up and have a day and then I woke up.



So much projection on my anger toward everyone except her kids is in this dream.  So much desire to have her back and to hold her again.  So much projection of how I wished I had been during the 18mo. relationship... .

Not too worried about it overall but if it keeps reoccurring I will have to talk to my Counselor about it... .it is better than the nightmares I was having a few weeks ago that she killed herself with a gun I bought her and everyone blamed me for it since I treated her so poorly during the relationship in their opinions.  That one was tough to get past.

[Emotions]

Thanks for sharing ox. Interesting dream. I'm glad we are putting these down in words for future (and present) interpretation and resolve. Let's Keep up the work on ourselves so that we can move forward no matter what happens. Peace

[Emotions]

So dreamed of her AGAIN last night... .in like a hotel/apt complex... .I was going through some things, and saw old pictures of her on a computer. Then woke up for a second, fell back asleep and there was like four of us living there, but no words were exchanged... .oh well, delete the thoughts and try to move on. I have a sore throat so I just want to feel better... .I want to get this feeling out of me and I will keep moving til it does!

[butterflylove]

I had a dream of my ex last night, too (not too uncommon). It's been about 4 months since I moved out permanently. I hate dreaming of him... .it's like, I can't get away when I'm awake or asleep! He wasn't in my dream, until the very end. I was trying to do a job, I was trying so hard, and everything was set up for me to fail... .over and over, people would move things, start without me, I didn't have enough space, etc. It was so frustrating and embarrassing and I felt so disappointed in myself. Then at the very end right before I woke up, I said something like "E. and So and so (his new partner) will never be satisfied with my performance."
He wasn't in the dream till the very end. (His name is E.) He wasn't even there, but yet, he was in charge of the whole production, and I wasn't even aware of it until I woke up.
It was my life EXACTLY with him.
This is going to take a long time!

[roberto516]

I wonder if our exe's dream about us now, and how do they feel if they do?
 
I know that in both my relationships with people who had BPD traits/possible diagnosis there was one overlapping thing that happened with dreams.

Both of them at times in our relationships would wake up and tell me that morning they had a dream that I cheated on them. They would be so distraught, and even upset with me because of their dream... .THEIR DREAM! Naturally I'd reassure them because, you know, I'm kind of a loyal guy. But anyway, just something that came to my mind.

I had a dream about her last night again. I don't know why they are coming so frequent when in the past 5 months I had minimal dreams. Maybe because now I am at or about to be at longest point of NC. I guess life wants to keep swinging at me. But I'm still here 

[Emotions]

Roberto, I'm pretty sure mine has been drinking before she falls asleep, thus probably not having dreams like me/us... .I'm 20 days without any intoxicants and I know this has something to do with the vivid dreams, but it won't detour me... .keep moving brother.

[butterflylove]

I've had many vivid dreams about him. I usually wake up understanding more of what I'm feeling/ going through than I did when I was awake! It's actually pretty useful. I imagine if he dreams of me, or what he thinks about when he thinks of me, if he is having fun and laughing with his new gf, if he thinks she is "the one" like he did of me, what evil things he is saying about me to her, or thinking of, etc... .it never ends. The only conclusion I ever come up with, is that after time, I will be a better person, and move on to a healthier relationship. He will probably end up in the same situation. It's not that I wish anything bad for him. It's just the only way to put things into perspective for me, and gives me some hope.
It's been very hard sometimes, going to sleep, crying, thinking of him, dreaming of him, waking up, crying, etc. It's going to be a long process.

[vaztek2003]

Ive had dreams relating to the same theme... .reconciliation through us actually meeting up. The dreams have all been different, but in them we always end up talking and she apologizes and we end up back together. I think its just my mind showing me what I want, which is an actual meet up, due to the circumstance of her dumping me through text. It sucks because they always feel so real, then I wake up to reality and my feelings are down in the dumps because of the false hope. I honestly wouldnt even care about not being together... .just would have loved for her to reach out and show that our relationship was real at some point. Sadly its going on 4 weeks with NC and I just dont think she will. Could be a gift/curse.

What bothers me the most is that she is surrounded in her room with objects that have a connection to me and I feel as if it doesnt even affect her at all. I could be wrong and she could be struggling... .but the fact that she hasnt reached out shows me otherwise.

I actually think I saw her today, from afar, at her fav coffee place and I thought of turning back to confront her but I convinced myself to keep driving as it wasnt going to accomplish anything as she would have just freaked out.

Life sometimes likes to challenge us badly.

[vaztek2003]

Another dream last night with the same premise... .I keep telling myself that she's gone and try to accept the fact but the feelings come rushing back after a while, sucks!