So let's go through this a little at a time. Here's what I saw when reading the texts:
Me) You OK?x - <SHOULD I HAVE ASKED THIS?>
Her) Yeah I'm OK x
Me) Ah that's good. Just wondered if you felt a bit deflated after today x
It seems like you may be getting a little nervous about her emotional state at this point. Asking if she is ok is good. Perhaps though, you could open it up to get her to be a little more specific, such as "How are you feeling about today?" This way she will have to describe her emotion about it, instead of "just ok".
Me) Im bored x
Her) Sorry your bored x
Her) Miss ya x
Me) Me 2 x
ONE HOUR AFTER THIS
Her) You still out? X
Me) Yeah just gonna have another pint or 2 pushing it... .x
Her) Can't be that Boring then ha x
What made you want to send the text that says you are bored? At that point I'm wondering why you wanted to stick around then. Not that it's wrong. Just seems "off". For someone with BPD this could trigger feelings of rejection. My guess is she may be feeling like you would rather be somewhere boring than with her.
Me) Thanks baby. I love you x
<no response>
Me) Oiii... .I said I love you!x
Seems like right here you begin to walk on eggshells. She isn't responding the way you think she should so you begin "checking in" and trying to get her to respond to you to give you the temperature. What would have happened if you had just let the "I love you" stand without needing a response?
Me) Ok. We can talk about this tomorrow. You're not yourself. I wanted you here but you didn't want to... .I hope u r OK and I love you OK baby... .you're always in my thoughts x
Her) I didn't want to sit in a pub on a boring night, you'd made the arrangement and I was invited after so yes as something I didn't want I declined x
Me) I invited you last night but you declined. Hey look I can tell you need some time... .am gonna have a few beers with <male friend> ok... .please don't be annoyed. I've been doing everything to make you happy ok and I'm being a good boyfriend x
Her) You know what ya right let's leave it till tomorrow x
Me) Baby what's wrong? Oh don't... .what have I done? Don't do this please... .you were invited. You declined. Don't do this please... .
Almost sounds like an attack. You are telling her who she is. You start JADE quite a bit. You automatically take on that you did something wrong. Lots of trying to sooth.
Her) And I believed we were comnicating and no longer assuming and talking... and I'm also not happy you told <male friend> we was going to therapy... .can we have anything private ever x
Me) We are communicating... .I'm sorry you're miffed but I really don't know what I've done to upset you. You need to be more specific and give me details x
This would have been a great time to validate. Unfortunately it came across to her as invalidating. She says, "We aren't communicating." You say, "Yes we are." Invalidation can be so subtle. Sounds like she may feel embarrassed or just wanted to keep things private. By saying, "You need to... ." can come across as being domineering. Perhaps asking it as a question, "Could you be more specific about what you mean?"
Her) We'll talk tomorrow x
Me) Yeah righto goodnight x
Me) I'll wait for you to talk to me ok... .coz I'm at a loss as to why u r annoyed. I hope you tell me... love ya tho x
Me) Have you had a drink? You sound like you have and trying to sabotage my night with <male friend>... .I hope not baby... .please don't do this x
Her) No I'm just miffed so yes let's leave it x
Me) Well you're the one not communicating... .OK. I'm used to it. You go in a mood... .I ask you what's up and you say nothing... .brilliant... .Yeah to quote a phrase from yesterday "changes are a foot"... .I think you're right. Go to bed
Me) I'm gonna be honest <her name>... .what you did tonight was extremely immature... .I thought we had got to a stage where we are talking about what bugs us. For you to just get annoyed with me, and just leave me wondering... .again... is testament to how you are and always will be. I asked you to tell me what was wrong... .and I've no idea... abs no idea... .for you to switch off again is unacceptable. It's unfair and I hope when you have sobered up in the morning you will realise how non productive this is... .you contact me first <her name> coz ain't doing it... .I ain't hurt or down or owt... .it's standard... .I can live without you when you get in a mood... .and I'll go out and have the best fun and when you've got over your mood, I'll come running as I usually do. So anyway. Cheers for tonight... .did I get in a mood with you when you didn't want to see me last night? No I didn't. Thanks <her name>
It seems like she wants to exit the conversation until tomorrow, which was probably better because going into details like this through text rarely work. I'm not quite sure what happened here but it went a little haywire. It seems like you got into some black & white thinking, using phrases like "always", began attacking her, and rejecting her. You put the responsibility of contacting you on her although you were the one that said you don't need her. I don't know what the historical context of things between you is like, but I know for myself I often escalate things.
From these texts I can't tell where she wanted to ruin your night or even that she was upset about you being out for the evening. I saw her say that she was not happy about it being known that you guys were going to counseling. Just my opinion.
