If you say you'll walk away...must you mean it? I need help.

[Meldrum]

I posted for the first time last night and introduced myself and my 30 yr old daughter K. We live in Australia.
Without going again in to all the detail and past.
After many psychologists, we saw one last week with 15 years experience in treating BPD.
Last night my daughter sent me a video with a belt around her neck trying to strangle herself, whilst screaming it's not working.
As her mum, I cannot begin to describe... I drove over there, she didn't wish to talk. She doesn't work, has not one friend, and fallen into a very deep hole right now.
She has refused to see the therapist tomorrow, as she feels no one can help.

I would never abandon her, but what are thoughts on a loving parent saying
If you don't go to try and make your life happier and be at peace with yourself, then I have no option to walk away also?

We have been on the roller coaster for 13 years, with two attempts of suicide before. A call for help, but now she refuses. PLEASE of any one has any ideas or what I could say to go tomorrow?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[1hope]

My heart goes out to you.  What crisis services are available to you in Australia?  Do you have crisis lines to call?  They can help you as well as your daughter. 

Will the hospital admit her?  That way you will know she is safe until she stabilizes. 

Have you tried using any of the strategies listed on the right hand side of the page?  They have helped me in dealing with my daughter (also has had suicide attempts).  Check out the "tools" section. 

Hoping you have a better day today.  That's all we can do... .get through one day at a time. 

[incadove]

Meldrum I cannot even imagine - I have never been in that situation, I just wanted to answer and offer support anyway.  Can you go to the therapist yourself and get their advice?   I think you must need support from experienced people to try to do the right things.  Just focus on trying to make the best possible choice with advice, is all I can say.  I remember reading the line from Marsha Lineham how she would talk to her suicidal patients with some humor - she would remind them how they promised not to quit therapy, and suicide was breaking that promise!  She took the most suicidal patients on purpose.  But I would be afraid to give you any advice since I don't have that experience myself.

Hope you can find a way through. 

[wendydarling]

Hi Meldrum

Welcome to BPFamily, I'm glad you found us and so very sorry what you are dealing with your daughter, you are not alone, we are here for you, please keep with us, here  

I'd like to share advice how you can help your DD, it helped me know what to do,

Helping someone with suicidal thoughts:

1.  Take it seriously.

Myth: “The people who talk about it don't do it.” Studies have found that more than 75% of all completed suicides did things in the few weeks or months prior to their deaths to indicate to others that they were in deep despair. Anyone expressing suicidal feelings needs immediate attention.

Myth: “Anyone who tries to kill himself has got to be crazy.” Perhaps 10% of all suicidal people are psychotic or have delusional beliefs about reality. Most suicidal people suffer from the recognized mental illness of depression; but many depressed people adequately manage their daily affairs. The absence of “craziness” does not mean the absence of suicide risk.

“Those problems weren't enough to commit suicide over,” is often said by people who knew a completed suicide. You cannot assume that because you feel something is not worth being suicidal about, that the person you are with feels the same way. It is not how bad the problem is, but how badly it's hurting the person who has it.

2. Remember: suicidal behavior is a cry for help.

Myth: “If a someone is going to kill himself, nothing can stop him.” The fact that a person is still alive is sufficient proof that part of him wants to remain alive. The suicidal person is ambivalent - part of him wants to live and part of him wants not so much death as he wants the pain to end. It is the part that wants to live that tells another “I feel suicidal.” If a suicidal person turns to you it is likely that he believes that you are more caring, more informed about coping with misfortune, and more willing to protect his confidentiality. No matter how negative the manner and content of his talk, he is doing a positive thing and has a positive view of you.

 
3. Be willing to give and get help sooner rather than later.

Suicide prevention is not a last minute activity. All textbooks on depression say it should be reached as soon as possible. Unfortunately, suicidal people are afraid that trying to get help may bring them more pain: being told they are stupid, foolish, sinful, or manipulative; rejection; punishment; suspension from school or job; written records of their condition; or involuntary commitment. You need to do everything you can to reduce pain, rather than increase or prolong it. Constructively involving yourself on the side of life as early as possible will reduce the risk of suicide.

 
4. Listen.

Give the person every opportunity to unburden his troubles and ventilate his feelings. You don't need to say much and there are no magic words. If you are concerned, your voice and manner will show it. Give him relief from being alone with his pain; let him know you are glad he turned to you. Patience, sympathy, acceptance. Avoid arguments and advice giving.

5. ASK: “Are you having thoughts of suicide?”

Myth: “Talking about it may give someone the idea.” People already have the idea; suicide is constantly in the news media. If you ask a despairing person this question you are doing a good thing for them: you are showing him that you care about him, that you take him seriously, and that you are willing to let him share his pain with you. You are giving him further opportunity to discharge pent up and painful feelings. If the person is having thoughts of suicide, find out how far along his ideation has progressed.
 
6. If the person is acutely suicidal, do not leave him alone.

If the person is acutely suicidal, do not leave them alone - drive the person to the nearest emergency department or other service facility. They may be hesitant - that is normal. The local suicide hotlines can advise you of the best facility.

If the situation is life threatening, or the person refuses to go for care, or you are unable to transport them, call 911.

Please do not use emergency medical services to teach anyone a lesson. .
 If the means to commit suicide are present, try to get rid of them.

 7. Urge professional help.

If someone is acting suicidal or talking of suicide, it is vitally important to get them into professional care at the first signs. Like many disorders, early detection and treatment yields better outcomes. Persistence and patience may be needed to seek, engage and continue with as many options as possible. In any referral situation, let the person know you care and want to maintain contact.

8. From crisis to recovery.

Most people have suicidal thoughts or feelings at some point in their lives; yet less than 2% of all deaths are suicides. Nearly all suicidal people suffer from conditions that will pass with time or with the assistance of a recovery program. There are hundreds of modest steps we can take to improve our response to the suicidal and to make it easier for them to seek help. Taking these modest steps can save many lives and reduce a great deal of human suffering.

Please let us know how you are, you are in our thoughts, we care.

WDx

[Meldrum]

WD, Incadove and 1hope,

Thank you all for replying in my time of need. It is nice to know that across the globe, there are those willing to help and offer advice and for that I thank you.

My daughter K went to her therapy session this afternoon and though her mood wasn't all obliging in the beginning, the therapist was able to get her to interact and open up. Tears were shed as the therapist asked "How do you think mum felt seeing the video of you trying to kill yourself"?

The therapist acknowledged and validated her feelings, knowing how much hurt she has been holding inside for so long. K and I spoke afterwards and I spent time with her. The therapist said to try and get motivated, even if it's a shower and to text her when she had done something.
K went in to her rental and vacuumed and washed her dishes.

She only went to the therapist on my bribe of giving her, her benefit money early, which meant she could buy some weed (not a heavy smoker). The therapist is going to walk her through the steps of needing to have weed (if possible). 
Though K said it's the only thing that makes her motivated and productive.

I have told K boundaries - No posting videos to me of this nature, no bad mouthing family members, no abuse of swearing/yelling at me. If she does I will say not having this conversation, it ends until you have calmed down.

We do have services here to call, but in all honesty, most of them are pretty useless, as we have had to contact them on other occasions. To get her admitted to a hospital, has to be either her agreeing or calling in the crisis centre. K would not go and cause a scene. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but she is in a rental room at the moment and on her 2nd chance to remain there.

I will look at the tools, I've read a few so far and interesting.

Again, thank you for reading and a serving my plea for help.

Here for anyone, if I can help as well.

Love and light to all of you

M

[wendydarling]

Hi Meldrum

Many thanks for getting back to us, I'm so glad you and DD are safe. I hope you've had some time to rest up, you must be exhausted.

You did well getting your DD to the therapist so promptly to move forwards. What kind of therapy is it?

WDx