Telling pwBPD what you know.

[SurvivingBP17]

Quick question.

When trying to talk to end confrontations and mend things with a pwBPD, is it wise to reference the fact that you are reading and learning about pwBPD through this site and other resources?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

I've been here for almost 4 years.  In that time,  I've seen members effectively work with their partners by sharing as you are asking (who are actually diagnosed, and are committed to therapy),  about twice. Otherwise,  it's likely to result in conflict. At the core of BPD is shame ("I'm a bad person who doesn't deserve love". It's a razor's edge being supportive.  Focusing on improving your side of the communication equation and validating is a better path to take.  Communicating "I've learned all these new tools to communicate with you better!" Is likely invalidating and a reminder of their shortcomings.  You're also communicating about you,  when they are concerned about themselves (nervous, angry,  anxious). Show support by your actions. If you change these,  it will be noticed.  

[AnuDay]

Quick question.

When trying to talk to end confrontations and mend things with a pwBPD, is it wise to reference the fact that you are reading and learning about pwBPD through this site and other resources?

Resist the urge at all costs to share what you are learning.  Ironically it will only make your situation worse in the long haul.  Do go to couples counseling if you can.  BPD is extremely complicated.