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[PreciousNFree]

I've been married to BPD husband for 50 years and we've both been retired for a few years.
6 weeks ago I set the boundary that I will not ride with him in traffic on the freeway.
4 weeks ago I began packing and planning to leave our home, and we sat down and talked.
I told him I can't live with him anymore, and I was going to stay in a small room in my cousin's home.
He said repeatedly, ":)on't do this to me," and we both sobbed.

Then I told him several things that were not acceptable to me.
1. I said I don't feel free to spend the night anywhere, including my daughter's and sister's, which is exhausting. Also, I'd like to be free to take longer trips with others sometimes.
2. I don't want to be obligated to always go out to a movie on Saturday, since other things come up at times.
3. I don't want to always report in to him about where I'm going and what specific time I'll be back.
4. It feels like a FU that he insists on continuing to use the toxic hairspray that I've told him aggravates my allergies in the bath next to our room unloved.

He said he'd do whatever it takes for us to stay together, and we talked over specific changes.
For one thing, he agreed to spray his hair in the garage and try out less toxic hairsprays.

Today he sprayed his hair in our bathroom again and I'm angry, hurt and perplexed.
Any suggestions?

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[wendydarling]

Hi PreciousNFree 

Welcome to BPFamily I'm glad you found us.

I guess change of long standing behaviours and routines may take sometime. I can understand you're  angry and hurt. What did you say when he sprayed in the bathroom? Is this the first time he crossed this limit you jointly agreed?

WDx