So Glad I read this bard

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

My daughter is divorced from and dBPD who is probably also an NPD. A mediator told her his new wife is probably BPD also although she is diagnosed as bi-polar. Anyway, they went to court for the divorce and the judge gave him 1 weekend a month with their 15yo D. D's ex had demanded 50-50. The judge also ordered child support upped from $50/month to $500/mo. He can afford it.  Right now there is a temp order in place and no summer visitation specified.Ex's wife sends my daughter a letter saying that THEY get GD all summer and SHE can see her daughter 1 weekend a month. And called GD and said her mother has to obey them!  She asked me what to do and I thought "What would bpdfamily peeps say?" And then told her "Tell GD that you have to follow the court order and so d they. The court order does not say she has spend her summer with them. She really doesn't want to because she despises her stepmother. I also told her to send letter to her lawyer. And the lawyer said the judge would order that GD spend 1 week in June and 1 week in July. The ex doesn't know abut the court order. He is s used to bullying D into doing what he wants he is having a hard time accepting that she is no longer under his control.

So thank you BPD Family members. Especially the Family Law board. I have given D advice taken directly from this board and she has come out on top in court.

[Deb]

My daughter is divorced from and dBPD who is probably also an NPD. A mediator told her his new wife is probably BPD also although she is diagnosed as bi-polar. Anyway, they went to court for the divorce and the judge gave him 1 weekend a month with their 15yo D. D's ex had demanded 50-50. The judge also ordered child support upped from $50/month to $500/mo. He can afford it.  Right now there is a temp order in place and no summer visitation specified.Ex's wife sends my daughter a letter saying that THEY get GD all summer and SHE can see her daughter 1 weekend a month. And called GD and said her mother has to obey them!  She asked me what to do and I thought "What would bpdfamily peeps say?" And then told her "Tell GD that you have to follow the court order and so d they. The court order does not say she has spend her summer with them. She really doesn't want to because she despises her stepmother. I also told her to send letter to her lawyer. And the lawyer said the judge would order that GD spend 1 week in June and 1 week in July. The ex doesn't know abut the court order. He is s used to bullying D into doing what he wants he is having a hard time accepting that she is no longer under his control.

So thank you BPD Family members. Especially the Family Law board. I have given D advice taken directly from this board and she has come out on top in court.

[takingandsending]

Hi, Deb.

So glad that your D, GD and you are on the other side of this! 

That was a very good response to the bullying. Do you think your D will ever see the increased child support? How is GD doing now?

[ForeverDad]

Tell GD that you have to follow the court order and so they did.

Court is The Real Authority.  By saying, "We have to follow the court order" it diverts the attention away from yourselves.  In other words, it's not you saying No, it's the court saying No.  Of course pwBPD will still play the bully, blaming and guilting games but pointing to the order works with police and others in authority and should at least weaken the ex's and ex's advocates' demands

In addition, D's ex's wife probably has no legal standing in the court order, she is not one of the parents.  She could demand that the moon is made of cheese and it wouldn't make a bit of difference to the order.

Of course, GD15 is getting close to the age she will be able to drive and may 'vote with her feet' if pressured.

[Deb]

talkingandsending:  GD is fine. She is strong willed and has her own opinions. She used to adore her father but he let her down and lied so much she lost faith in him. Add to that him threatening and assaulting her mom and smearing her mm, and she doesn't really want to see him. D tells her the court says she has to so she goes. In her state, the court can make her go til she is 18. She will be 16 next month. As to whether her father will pay the child support? D isn't holding her breath, She's been supporting her daughter for the last 4 years all by herself.

Yep, ForeverDad, that's why I told her t tell her daughter they must follow the court order. Makes the court the bad guy and they can't argue that. Ok, they can argue it, but it won't go far.