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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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Author Topic: Re: Part 2 Desperate to save myself and my marriage  (Read 416 times)
misterblister
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 54


« on: June 20, 2017, 04:54:13 PM »

Part 1 of this thread can be found here
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=304722.60
continued

Update: We began MC. I was relieved to get a straight-shooter male counselor who did not take sides. Even better, I was able to articulate myself with far more clarity and honesty than past MC sessions (thanks to sites like this!). I did not take the self-defense bait.

Am I expecting progress? Yes. Am I expecting miracles? No.

Near the end my wife did cry a lot with some kitchen-sinking to suggest I was the bad guy and she was the victim. There was a definite "does not follow" awkwardness to it. But the MC did not indulge it as I'd seen past MC's do, which gives me hope.

If anything, this will help me examine the damage my failure to take better care of myself incurred upon my wife, my children, and me over the years. I do need to account for that, own it, and try to stop it from happening anymore.
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insideout77
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 65


« Reply #1 on: June 21, 2017, 02:24:00 PM »

Update: We began MC. I was relieved to get a straight-shooter male counselor who did not take sides. Even better, I was able to articulate myself with far more clarity and honesty than past MC sessions (thanks to sites like this!). I did not take the self-defense bait.

Am I expecting progress? Yes. Am I expecting miracles? No.

Near the end my wife did cry a lot with some kitchen-sinking to suggest I was the bad guy and she was the victim. There was a definite "does not follow" awkwardness to it. But the MC did not indulge it as I'd seen past MC's do, which gives me hope.

If anything, this will help me examine the damage my failure to take better care of myself incurred upon my wife, my children, and me over the years. I do need to account for that, own it, and try to stop it from happening anymore.
I'm betting she back out of going
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