Part 1 of this thread can be found here
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=304722.60continued
Update: We began MC. I was relieved to get a straight-shooter male counselor who did not take sides. Even better, I was able to articulate myself with far more clarity and honesty than past MC sessions (thanks to sites like this!). I did not take the self-defense bait.
Am I expecting progress? Yes. Am I expecting miracles? No.
Near the end my wife did cry a lot with some kitchen-sinking to suggest I was the bad guy and she was the victim. There was a definite "does not follow" awkwardness to it. But the MC did not indulge it as I'd seen past MC's do, which gives me hope.
If anything, this will help me examine the damage my failure to take better care of myself incurred upon my wife, my children, and me over the years. I do need to account for that, own it, and try to stop it from happening anymore.