Just got text from Xw "Hi"

[bus boy]

Not a civil word in 2 years and 5 minuets ago Xw text "Hi" out of the blue. What the F**k is that?

[Stolen]

I would take it as danger. Fill the moat.

[Harley Quinn]

Is Xw BPD?  

If so -

Loneliness?

Need?

Regret?

Baiting?

How did the text make you feel?

Love and light x

[roberto516]

I would take it as danger. Fill the moat.

I'm sorry but I have a lot of compassion for individuals who have personality disorders or traits (my ex I'm still struggling with a lot to have that compassion.) But this made me laugh. And I needed a laugh today. Thank you.

[FSTL]

The moat comment made me laugh as well... .

Based on my experience, I would say your Xw is still checking to make sure you're available, but it was probably just a fleeting feeling on her part. She may very well feel different now.

My BPDx routinely emails/texts/WhatsApp me (normally on a Tuesday, sometimes on a Monday) to ask for a coffee/complain about something/[insert BS non-essential reasons]. It had a been a while since I engaged with her and I agreed to a 20 min coffee last week. Big mistake... .she started with her usual fake interest in me (what have you been doing... .) followed by her then sucking me into her drama. Then nothing for another week.

It feels like a control tactic - they feel insecure about something and need supply, they contact you and (when you respond civilly) they satisfy themselves they can have you anytime they want, and then move on (quite hurtfully if they can, to show who is in charge) before starting again a week (or whatever) later when the whole cycle repeats. It is all about them and crazy making for your.

I wouldn't answer the Xw - I only respond to mine because we still work together and I can't risk a scene if she elevates to something more dramatic. Otherwise I would block her (as I have done with other girls I have met with BPD traits).

[Stolen]

I'm sorry but I have a lot of compassion for individuals who have personality disorders or traits (my ex I'm still struggling with a lot to have that compassion.) But this made me laugh. And I needed a laugh today. Thank you.

I also have a lot of compassion for those who suffer from disorders. For three decades I dedicated myself to saving one of them. I often toss flippant comments trying to use humor to make sense of the confusion.  I pray for my xW and my children every day - that is my serious time.  Otherwise, it is pretty much duck & cover.  I know by now that I can't win at a "game" that I have been ill-prepared to play, regardless of the wisdom I have found on this site. 

All that said - xW (and maybe the kids? no sign of them) seem to have recently moved in with her parents three blocks away from me.  Excuse me while I fill my own moat, and please wish me luck. I have that feeling... .

[lovenature]

All depends on her emotion of the moment, her reality based on it, and which "orbiter" she gets in touch with. The less contact you have and the more you learn, the clearer things become.
Best to focus on yourself wouldn't you agree?

[joeramabeme]

Hi BB, did you find out what she wanted?  As others have said there must but  a need attached to it.  Just be careful, you are more attached to your feelings than she is hers.

[Lalathegreat]

*chuckle* "Fill the moat"... .

Thank you - that's the first I've laughed in quite awhile.

"You are more attached to your feelings than she is to hers... ." Well said.

[bus boy]

Thank you everyone. I keep my mote full . Xw has a motive for everything. She was probably just seeing if I would jump at her text of "hi" like I use to. I did not reply to her. It made me feel a little uneasy that I didn't reply, in the past I felt stressed if I didn't reply right away bc she would get ignorant if I didn't. I had to keep telling my self I don't owe her anything, I don't have to reply. I kept telling my self that and I felt good at the end of it for not replying.

[Turkish]

I think we can all relate to you not responding given not only her rudeness but also that of her BF mocking you immaturely at the last school function. Not responding is fine if there isn't a concern about your son.  However,  I'd be curious and BIFF a response, "what's up?" And be prepared to shut it down if it got weird. My thinking is to gather info about what's going on. This is my cynical view.  My other view is to open a communication Avenue vis-a-vis your son... .