Checking in after a couple months

[Caretaker2]

Hey y'all, it's been a little over a month since I last posted here and just thought I would share some experiences since my breakup in March.

I agreed to help pay for the last 2 months of rent that we had on the apartment that I moved out of after I snooped on her phone and saw that she was cheating on me with her ex. Money has been pretty tight for me, but thankfully I have supportive parents that are helping me get back on my feet. I ended up making enough money to not have to ask them for more help, which helped ease the guilt I was experiencing when I moved back.

My ex has texted me every once in awhile the past couple months saying that she felt bad about me abandoning her and looking at her as a monster with a mental illness. This wasn't the case in my opinion and I just had to tell her that I was codependent and needed her to stop texting me and that I needed to work on myself.  She understood and didn't text again until it was the end of the month when rent was due. She was very chatty and was asking how I was doing before we began talking about the payment and how much I could afford to help out with. We chatted a little bit more after that and then she suddenly stopped texting me back. I was half anticipating this so I tried not to feel to down about it. I guess I was responding to her because I didn't want to feel like I was giving her the silent treatment or that I was making this communication taboo.

She texted again a week ago saying that her family that she's visiting had included my picture on their wall of graduates that they had in their house. I didn't know what to say to that so I just said "aw that's sweet." She 'd or whatever and I didn't respond. Her granny also had called me a couple of weeks ago asking how I was doing and how "we" were doing. I'm assuming my ex has yet to tell her family of her recent decisions, so I just had to tell her everything was good and that I missed her. I cried after I hung up knowing I probably was never going to see her granny or the rest of her family ever again.

I guess what I wanted to get off my chest was I feel like she may be sorry and all that, but I'm kind of liking not being under her "control" anymore. I genuinely miss her company and doing all of the things we enjoyed, but thinking of the other nonsense just makes my gut hurt and turns my face red. Talking to other women has been a little rough to say the least , but it has been a learning experience. I was having a hard time thinking people could be genuinely nice after this break up, but thankfully a good friend I've had since high school has helped me meet a few decent people that I've been able to hang out with.

[Mutt]

Hi Caretaker2,



Thanks for checking in.

I genuinely miss her company and doing all of the things we enjoyed, but thinking of the other nonsense just makes my gut hurt and turns my face red. Talking to other women has been a little rough to say the least , but it has been a learning experience.

I think that's a positive way of looking at it, aside from BPD, it sounds like you're not totally into her and want something different. Go for it!