Should I care

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Hi guys Im sorry but I didnt know where to post this but should I care if my replacement is the lead pharmacist (her boss) at the CVS she works at. What bothers me is that she broke up with me because she believed she was into women after what she said was a sexual encounter with a classmate at school.

Yet while I was at work I noticed a man peeking at me as he drove by and then it hit me that it was him as she showed me pictures of him before... .this is a Boss who would text her asking if she wanted to have sex in the parking lot. She showed me those texts and said how disturbing it was so I never thought of him as a threat while I was in the relationship. I have been making progress but today I was driving home, which involves driving by the street she lives on and I noticed this black Explorer Sport Edition SUV (she mentioned many times how that was her dream car) again driving by me and I see him look quickly at me as he passed(the pharmacy closes at 9 so he must have gotten out of work)... .for some reason it popped into my head to follow him and I noticed he turned on her street which I haven't gone by since the breakup to avoid any issues. Im sure he noticed I was following if he knew who I was, so he kept on, passed her house where her car was parked, mind you he lives nowhere near there. So I lose him at a light and turn back around to get back on the main street passing her house again but now her car was gone and the automatic light was on, which stays on for 5 minutes.

Im not trying to creep around but the fact that the thought popped into my head that she lied to me even in the breakup bothered me to the point where I wanted to catch her in the act. My feeling was that he was going to pick her up after work, but ran into me so he called her up to meet him up somewhere. She hates all her coworkers as they noticed the favoritism he had towards her always defending her and sorta giving her special treatment.

I have made great strides in my detachment but that thought popping into my head bothered me badly because it would be another lie even when breaking up with me. Granted it could all be coincidence, but I never bumped into this guy ever and now Ive seen him around 3 times.

Sorry for ranting but Im pissed I didnt catch them somehow. Damn breakup has me doing some stupid stuff in trying to find the closure she chose not to give me. I asked her point black if she wanted or had moved on so I could stop bothering her and she couldnt even answer that.

[vaztek2003]

Hi guys Im sorry but I didnt know where to post this but should I care if my replacement is the lead pharmacist (her boss) at the CVS she works at. What bothers me is that she broke up with me because she believed she was into women after what she said was a sexual encounter with a classmate at school.

Yet while I was at work I noticed a man peeking at me as he drove by and then it hit me that it was him as she showed me pictures of him before... .this is a Boss who would text her asking if she wanted to have sex in the parking lot. She showed me those texts and said how disturbing it was so I never thought of him as a threat while I was in the relationship. I have been making progress but today I was driving home, which involves driving by the street she lives on and I noticed this black Explorer Sport Edition SUV (she mentioned many times how that was her dream car) again driving by me and I see him look quickly at me as he passed(the pharmacy closes at 9 so he must have gotten out of work)... .for some reason it popped into my head to follow him and I noticed he turned on her street which I haven't gone by since the breakup to avoid any issues. Im sure he noticed I was following if he knew who I was, so he kept on, passed her house where her car was parked, mind you he lives nowhere near there. So I lose him at a light and turn back around to get back on the main street passing her house again but now her car was gone and the automatic light was on, which stays on for 5 minutes.

Im not trying to creep around but the fact that the thought popped into my head that she lied to me even in the breakup bothered me to the point where I wanted to catch her in the act. My feeling was that he was going to pick her up after work, but ran into me so he called her up to meet him up somewhere. She hates all her coworkers as they noticed the favoritism he had towards her always defending her and sorta giving her special treatment.

I have made great strides in my detachment but that thought popping into my head bothered me badly because it would be another lie even when breaking up with me. Granted it could all be coincidence, but I never bumped into this guy ever and now Ive seen him around 3 times.

Sorry for ranting but Im pissed I didnt catch them somehow. Damn breakup has me doing some stupid stuff in trying to find the closure she chose not to give me. I asked her point black if she wanted or had moved on so I could stop bothering her and she couldnt even answer that.

[Mutt]

Hi vaztek2003,

I know how hard it is when you don't get closure, you keep question yourself ,why? It felt like a traumatic experience for me because I just couldn't passed that, I wanted an answer.

I asked her point black if she wanted or had moved on so I could stop bothering her and she couldnt even answer that.

Her car not being in the driveway today is speculation, you didn't catch them in the act, I think that you don't really have to, you probably won't get her to admit to that, because she'll feel too much shame.

I suggest to listen to your gut, your intuition warns you and guides you, it may be hard to accept that she really was cheating. You probably won't get closure from her either, you can give closure to yourself, work towards giving yourself closure, I'd suggest to not follow her boss because it will slow down the healing process. Are you in NC with your ex? If so, you might want to extend that to her boss too, go NC with him too.

[vaztek2003]

Thank you for the reply Mutt. I have been in NC with her for going on 3 months that she gave me the silent treatment. Her Boss I actually never met, only through pictures of events they would have at work and only knew what she described of him (being a weak boss, but always defending her) She said those texts came from him being weird and her basically "playing" along. As I said I never saw him as a threat because of the fact that she showed me the messages, which I can now see as a form of triangulation. Its just very weird because I have never seen this man and in the past month Ive bumped into him 3 times. Twice at my job's parking lot which is were I first started suspecting because he drove by slowly and looked at me inside my car. I instantly recognized him from the picture and the fact that she idolized his SUV, called it her dream car. Last night Im just driving home which goes by her street and he passes me and kinda peeks my way, to which I again found weird as he never met me, but gave me the feeling that he recognizes me. So without thinking I get behind him casually... .My thinking is that he was on his way to pick her up and he saw me get behind him. She always wanted people to call when they were close so she can be waiting outside, so he probably called and let her know I was behind as he kept going. Then when I lost him she got in her car and met him up.

My gut tells me she's with him, as he is the head pharmacist making around 150K a year though she basically described him as living check to check because of a divorce and kids colleges, plus he had to buy another house as the wife stood with the other and got himself into that SUV. I only know thins because of my ex. He would be ideal for her to use to her advantage. He controls where she works.

Like I said I was good but for some reason him looking my way both at my job and last night gave me a vibe that he knows me through her. I even thought she may have been with him, as while with me she hid down in the passenger seat when we encountered the guy I replaced. Also bothers me because she told me of the whole lesbian thing. Why must things be so complicated.

How can you tell me you cheated on me with another woman but cant just tell me to leave you the hell alone?

[Mutt]

HI vaztek2003,

How can you tell me you cheated on me with another woman but cant just tell me to leave you the hell alone?

It gives her attention, it might also give her a sense as to how far that she can take things with you by testing your boundaries.

My guess is that she'll try to recycle the r/s if things go south with her boss, she may find herself in another r/s but there's a chance that she'll try some time in the future.

Regardless, it boils down to what you want. Recycling takes two people, if you want to move on, have boundary that you won't.

[OptimusRhyme]

How can you tell me you cheated on me with another woman but cant just tell me to leave you the hell alone?

It seems to me like she's trying to keep you on the hook. If she gave you closure one way or the other, she'd be losing a possible attachment, and therein is part of BPD dysfunction - she isn't strong enough on her own to end a relationship cleanly and deal responsibly with the consequences.


Also, don't trust or talk to any girl who's dream car is a friggin Explorer Sport. 

[vaztek2003]

It seems to me like she's trying to keep you on the hook. If she gave you closure one way or the other, she'd be losing a possible attachment, and therein is part of BPD dysfunction - she isn't strong enough on her own to end a relationship cleanly and deal responsibly with the consequences.


Also, don't trust or talk to any girl who's dream car is a friggin Explorer Sport. 

That is about as sane of a rational as Ive been able to come up with. Its funny because I witnessed it with her previous boyfriends where they lingered because Im sure she didnt give them closure, seeing this is why I would always talk with her about how I expected for us to talk about things when or at that time if things ended between us. Guess she lied in saying that we would (shocked, )

As for the Explorer, trust I got on her ass about that too. Cheap built vehicles, but she insisted that was dream car... .now I can see that she probably found it roomy.

[vaztek2003]

HI vaztek2003,

It gives her attention, it might also give her a sense as to how far that she can take things with you by testing your boundaries.

My guess is that she'll try to recycle the r/s if things go south with her boss, she may find herself in another r/s but there's a chance that she'll try some time in the future.

Regardless, it boils down to what you want. Recycling takes two people, if you want to move on, have boundary that you won't.

Thats what sucks, we are basically "toys" as we have all mentioned here. It infuriated me that she would bring up movies she watched with the guy I replaced and would ask me if I remembered... .she couldnt differentiate between us. Great example of how we are all the same in their eyes.

She is seriously unaware of her illness's damaging behaviors, so I am sure she will keep failing, as she would cancel therapy after a month, was willing to try meds after a bad experience. She's risking a lot if she is dating her Boss, as she could lose her job if things were found out, mind you its a relationship that cant be on full display because of that reason. Her coworkers would basically already say how she was getting special treatment before (though she could have been already sleeping with him) So sad to see a Beautiful woman full of potential just be so destructive, but she hurt me a lot (still hurts some days) in that I was treated like the exes, if not worse, when all I did was treat her very well. It just feels like