dazedandconfuzed
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 22
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« on: July 08, 2017, 06:27:48 PM » |
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Hey everyone I'm new-ish here (minus lurking over the last few years). While I don't think my gf/ex-gf has an actual disorder - I'm not a pyschologist so I'm not going to pretend to know enough to offer a diagnosis, a lot of these stories and descriptions hit far to close to home for comfort.
We've been together for ~4 years, but that's with fights and breakups every couple months. Originally I thought it was just me, but then I've seen her with her family as she now lives with them - and the same things happen - where she will scream at her siblings over the smallest things, and even her mother. In this time I've been hit, had the cops called on me twice (both times the officers apologized to me for her outbursts in public), insulted, ignored, left with no notice, etc.
Our current fight is that she randomly left to go away for a weekend - either with friends or with a guy (don't know got 2 different stories one that seemed fine and one that I don't know if its the truth or just some lie to hurt me). Insert the entire weekend of her screaming at me and telling me how horrible I am - even though she's the one who hurt me in that situation. My normal method of dealing with her is to just let those types of things go - when she's just saying things to hurt me, because I kind of accepted that about her. As strange as that may sound.
She came back, everything seemed normal. Work, life, spending time together, cuddling, the totally normal life. Then she got super excited about some deals around cell phones and cars, so of course we're going shopping. And annoyingly the times we've gone shopping/etc have lead to her randomly vanishing with her new purchases (i.e. she was shopping for shirts, but was specifically shopping for shirts for this vacation that she planned). So of course I started to remember how those all made me feel, and while she clearly noticed I was upset and distant in the store, and asked several times, she didn't really offer any comfort.
But this time I dared actually ask her to clear things up at the end of the night, telling her that I was confused and upset. And then oh boy the horrible things that were said about me. I don't know I just wanted an I'm sorry, or some kind of hey I know you're upset about something and its fine if you don't want to tell me, just know I'm hear for you type deal - the kinds of things I do for her most days in a given week. It really confuses and upsets me that she can literally never admit I'm a person who can have feelings, and that she should maybe want to say sorry at some point or another. She even brings up why aren't we further along in our relationship - and despite my best efforts I can't bring myself to specifically say that to her. Because the times I do it again unlocks a long and detailed list of every time I have upset her over the years and how whatever upset I feel I deserve because of X, Y or Z.
Not sure what I'm really looking for here, just glad that there's a group of people going through the exact same thing.
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