Feeling low

[Kelbel]

Almost 4 weeks in to my OH moving to a different bedroom and not speaking to me, I'm feeling really low, really sorry for myself. I have so much difficult stuff in my life other than what's happening with her, I need my partner there for me and she isn't. She rarely really is, and I don't generally feel like my stuff counts, but at least she's usually physically there, and we can discuss practicalities so I can get on with what I need to do. Being frozen out like this is so painful when I need someone there for me, and need to get things agreed to help me deal with other things that are happening. From a purely practical point of view I can't move forward without her, and from an emotional point of view this just hurts and there's no end in sight. I understand she is in pain as well, and it's so frustrating because the reason for that is this horrible condition, not anything that means something.

Just needed to tell someone. 

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

I hear ya! That sounds very hard. Do you have any ideas on how to reconnect? I hope this does not go on for a long time. I get cut out like this too. I am not sure how long the longest time was since we began living together. He did this when we were long distance too, but I didn't get it at the time. It just hurt and was confusing.

I know what you mean. It puts my life on hold too. Do I live here or not? One thing that helped is to just let myself have one reality about it. He has done this kind of thing hundreds of times. It is not that I don't take it seriously, or believe it every time. But I have found that if I just, well, kinda don't believe it it helps. If I quit my job every time he says we are over, or left the country, my gosh. I just wait it out. It is hard and sad. I feel trapped. I can't go outside alone either because that upsets him too. So, inside and ignored and go out and he's upset. I hope you find some peace!

[Kelbel]

Thanks for your reply Pearlsw, it is good to feel listened to. I tried reconnecting yesterday and I felt there was a little progress. Then I stayed out late after work on an impromptu evening out with friends, one of whom has really been there for me and who is moving away soon. Half of me wanted to go home to follow up on the little bit of progress I thought I had made in the day, but the other half of me wanted to enjoy a fun time with uncomplicated people that behave like they like me. I didn't text to let my OH know I would be home late - I always would in the normal course of things, but given that she isn't communicating at all with me right now I wasn't sure whether I should be explaining myself to her. That may have been a mistake. I'm new to this thinking about things from a BPD perspective thing and am trying to think my responses and actions through so that they don't make matters worse and actually improve things, while doing what is right for me and not what I need to do to avoid trouble. 

Having been through these episodes numerous times over the last 14 years, I know what you mean about thinking it's real every time and thinking about going back to where I came from or whatever. Now I am learning about BPD I realise it isn't real and instead of thinking 'oh no, it's over because she's decided it is', right now it's about other stuff I can't action without discussing with my OH, and it feels very unfair.