Self care and residual anxiety

[Hungryghosts]

I am currently at work.  I have a job where I am in charge of an organization as well as the staff.  We work to support a vulnerable population.  Work can be intense.  Sometimes I get messages from my husband saying that if he had a gun he'd shoot himself, I'd be better off without him, he sees no hope in life, etc.  These messages really stress me out.  I worry about him and know that sometimes his reactions to things are not proportional to what is actually going on but also that he is reacting that way he feels because things feel big to him.  He has told me he is more scared to die than to live so he will keep on living and I think that is true.  It is just really hard to see him in such pain and I feel really helpless.  When I am getting these messages along with the work I am doing I feel a big weight and try hard to take care of myself but sometimes I feel defeated. 

What are some strategies people use to ensure they are taking care of their own mental health?  When he feels better about things or has had a chance to think rationally about them he feels better.  I do too but am still feeling residual anxiety from the intense reaction and feelings.  I love him and don't want to burden him with my reactions as well.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

That is very intense. I can imagine the burden and fear that comes with wondering if this time he is serious.

Do you have any close friends you could share with? A counselor?

What activities do you do for yourself? Finding ways to relieve your stress through things you enjoy will help you immensely, especially if it's something you enjoy so much that you can forget about your home troubles for awhile.

I used to run homes for people with developmental disabilities. I found myself in a very stressful environment in handling behavioral issues at work and at home. My line of work had a lot of turnover and staffing issues. I would take a little bit of time for myself after work each day, maybe 15 minutes or so, to find somewhere quiet to just sit in my car and take a break. I would read, pray, cry, etc. Whatever it was I needed for myself for the day, I would take the time to do it.

We had a term for what it sounds like you may be experiencing. It's called secondary traumatic stress aka "compassion fatigue". People who are frequently exposed to other people's trauma experience this type of trauma. I'm not sure if this is something you may be experiencing, but if you think that could be the case, here is some information on it:

www.nctsnet.org/nctsn_assets/pdfs/CWT3_SHO_STS.pdf

[teapay]

Sounds like he is in need of mental health treatment, probably sooner than later.  Is he getting that? He should be calling them, rather than you.

[waverider]

Sounds like he is in need of mental health treatment, probably sooner than later.  Is he getting that? He should be calling them, rather than you.

Someone in this state will call anyone who they believe will listen, so a partner is going to hear it regardless of who else is in the loop. This is the problem, as partners you go virtually no respite.

It is helpful to you though to know someone else is in the know, carrying it in isolation is stressful.