Having a bit of a melt down and just need to vent

[Kelbel]

There’s no sign that this silence is ever going to end. I’m upset, angry and starting to feel desperate. I want to confront my partner and cry and scream to show her what she’s doing to me, as that has worked before, but I know that’s wrong. I’ve been starting to learn about the tools, but am still handling things with my partner all wrong. I love her, and at the same time I hate her for what's happening and what it's doing to me, even though I understand from what I’m reading that she can’t help it.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[pearlsw]

Hi Kelbel,

Are you getting the silent treatment right now? How long has it been going on for? Can you do anything to distract from it so it doesn't hurt so much? Do you have any friends you can spend time with? What makes you laugh and smile and feel better? Want to talk about anything you are reading on here? I know how much the silence hurts. I am sorry you are feeling so bad. 

[Kelbel]

Hi Pearlsw

Yes, silence for the last 7 weeks. My partner hasn’t been diagnosed with BPD but I have recently starting reading up on this and she has many of the traits. My reading has explained a lot of what has gone on in the last 14 years that we have been in our relationship, but it’s early days and I’m struggling with managing my behaviour, my own emotions and my responses to my partner. I’m still making things worse, probably more than before. I have started reading up on the tools like SET, but seem to be jumping straight to Truth (which is my truth, and not necessarily one that should be shared, at least not in the way I’m doing it) and missing out the other crucial bits. I’ve been advised by another board member not to improvise and he’s right.

I have lots of positive things in life that can distract me and help me improve in myself, and they should be my focus, instead of trying to control my partner’s behavior. I feel damaged by what has happened over all these years, and I need to get better.

Thank you for replying to my post – it helps just knowing someone is listening.