Trying to cope with this cut off

[Freedom train]

Hi. I've recently been meeting with a counselor who after a few minutes explaining my situation mentioned BPD along with the basic need to set some boundaries with my mother. I feel like I'm in a nightmare that continues to get worse. My husband and I are missionaries... .who happen to be serving under my mothers organization. We were encouraged by many pastors and our counselor to separate from her ministry due to it being too confusing and causing a whole lot of anxiety (trying to distinguish mother from ministry leader). Long story short, after three weeks of working on myself and my issues... .we decided to tell her we needed to leave her organization. It did not go well. And it was all pinned on us. We tried to do it in the calmest, softest way possible... .and it was met with "if you end our ministry relationship, you terminate your relationship with your parents." I responded with "I love you"... .it was met with "you don't know what love is". She is so angry. And my dad went along with it (I get that, as I also had been enabling her and trying to keep the peace).

So that's where I'm at. I've been trying so hard to set boundaries to love her better... .and she has cut me off (which was my fear all along). It's discouraging and I feel I can't really talk about it because everyone knows my mom and I still feel this need to protect her.

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome Freedom train! 

I'm so glad that you've found us and shared your first post. You will find care and acceptance here along with others who are in similar circumstances to you. We each have a pwBPD in our lives, whether diagnosed or not, but they show the signs that cause us to seek help and understanding. It is such a relief to finally find someone who understands what we have gone through! My mom was an uBPD too. There is a great list on the right hand side of our board where you can find more information. ----->> > Had you ever heard of BPD before your T shared the thought with you? How is your discovery process going? I think that it is awesome that your T is aware of BPD! 

I think you have a doubly difficult situation with your mom. First is that she may be a BPD, and second is the whole aspect that accompanies her being a Christian. My uBPDm was a very strong believer and how much conflict and confusion that has created within me (and with so many others here whose pwBPD mis-represents Christianity). It took a lot of courage for you to step away, and an extra hug for you to help ease the pain.    There are so many strings attached, aren't there?

I'll post a couple of links that may be helpful for you in understanding as well as in holding strong to where you know you need to be:

BPD BEHAVIORS: Extinction Bursts
BPD BEHAVIORS: Projections

I am not surprised that she has cut you off because my mom used to do this too. It hurts a lot though, as if we did something wrong when really you did something very right to care for yourself. Be kind to yourself as you go through this journey.

Please stay in touch!
 
Wools