BPD Teens Threatening Privacy in Home

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi,

I have teens with traits of BPD/NPD due to a shared psychosis with their father, in Parental Alienation/Pathogenic Parenting.  He encourages them to bother me as much as possible.  They have their cellphones in my face continually, in our home (whenever I am not behind locked doors), from morning until night.  My privacy is shattered.  They are trying to "catch" me in some kind of behavior that they can edit, put a false story to, and then tell people, "Look!  My mom's being abusive here!"  Last time, I had picked up a kitchen knife to slice vegetables, but they recorded the image in a way to make it look sinister.  My husband, BPD/NPD, has a very bad habit of impulsively calling police whenever he is out of control.  That could mean something as innocent as my talking to the kids, when he demanded that I do not. I am always afraid that my kids will edit these images (they have the skills) and use them against me during one of the police visits.   They have also threatened to send them to my employer.  Why haven't I left the house?  Legal reasons, and hoping to somehow re-connect with my alienated kids while they still live with me.   But they can be brutal.   

[FlawedDesign]

Hi,

I have teens with traits of BPD/NPD due to a shared psychosis with their father, in Parental Alienation/Pathogenic Parenting.  He encourages them to bother me as much as possible.  They have their cellphones in my face continually, in our home (whenever I am not behind locked doors), from morning until night.  My privacy is shattered.  They are trying to "catch" me in some kind of behavior that they can edit, put a false story to, and then tell people, "Look!  My mom's being abusive here!"  Last time, I had picked up a kitchen knife to slice vegetables, but they recorded the image in a way to make it look sinister.  My husband, BPD/NPD, has a very bad habit of impulsively calling police whenever he is out of control.  That could mean something as innocent as my talking to the kids, when he demanded that I do not. I am always afraid that my kids will edit these images (they have the skills) and use them against me during one of the police visits.   They have also threatened to send them to my employer.  Why haven't I left the house?  Legal reasons, and hoping to somehow re-connect with my alienated kids while they still live with me.   But they can be brutal.   

[takingandsending]

FlawedDesign,

Many folks have posted here that they discreetly kept a recorder with them to prevent false allegations. Is this something that is possible for you? Given the incredible campaign of alienation you describe, I think that you need some form of protection while you are in the house. How old are your children? I have seen on your posts to other boards that you have had no success with calling the police.

Can you talk a bit about the legal reasons you are staying in this house with all of this? While we can't provide legal advice here, there is a lot of experience on this board with developing strategies to get people out of harm's way and into sound legal consultation. Do you have an attorney, and if so, what has he/she advised?

Your situation does not sound at all safe. Please take a look at the link here and consider if there are some steps that you can take to protect yourself. https://bpdfamily.com/discussions/search-info4.htm

[FlawedDesign]

Thank you, TalkingandSending.  What do I do?  I stay out of the house as much as possible, but that means I do not get household tasks done as quickly as usual, and then I am denigrated for that too.  While at home, I try not to engage.  But that has a flip side too.  Not to engage with your own family in your own home feels very artificial and alienating of itself.  One of my reasons for staying is to be able to communicate with my children. 

I cannot call police, because I have learned that it works against me.  My husband and kids say that I am the abuser, though I have just been attacked by them... .police told me they go by the numbers, so I am out of luck, and can end up arrested if argue the issue. Five against one.  There is police bias, I understand now.  I never thought that way in all of my life before this.  Is this an example of BPD feelings trumping the facts?  THEY hit ME repeatedly, but then I am the one accused of abuse?  It is an alternate reality. 

I have seen counsellors, but they tell me only the standard  --  you know, pack an emergency bag, leave, go to a shelter.  After 24 - 48 hrs. there, then what?  Moving means paying a mortgage and a rent, together, or my husband will find the money in ways I may regret.  We are divorcing, and must sell the family home.  Until then, this is the way it goes.  He wants supreme control, though, and is cooking up new false allegations to get me out. 

Very few professionals understand or have even heard of Parental Alienation/Pathogenic Parenting in the course of NPD/BPD.  I have probably read more than they have on the subject. 

I have acquaintances rather than good friends locally.  They don't want to get involved.  My grown siblings are scapegoaters, and I have found the hard way that they will not only fail to support or commiserate with me, one sibling is actively trying to encourage false allegations in league with my husband.

So things look somewhat bleak just now.  But I intend to be a survivor.         

[hope2727]

I am so sorry you are enduring this. I have no idea if this would work but is there any possibility of having a small recording device hidden on your person so that you were able to have full footage of all these events in context? I believe that there are really tiny devices that send to an iCloud type back up that you could open and keep secret but still have hours of evidence when the time came to defend yourself. It may not be helpful but perhaps it might. Keep posting let us know what happens.

[FlawedDesign]

Thank you, Hope2727.

I think that this bpdfamily site needs to add more, too, to the page on Parental Alienation/Pathogenic Parenting.  What I read there now is good for explaining the first level of PA/PP, but does not at all explain the third severe level of PA/PP, where we are.  This level of PA/PP has by then become a shared psychosis between alienating parent with BPD/NPD, and one or all of the family children are involved.  It has become extremely severe, and extremely brutal. Narcissistic abuse is involved, daily.

People unfamiliar with this condition find it hard to imagine what goes on.  Many people think it is simply two warring parents in a divorce situation who cannot get along, whereas that view actually bears no resemblance to what is taking place.  Severe PA/PP is the triggered Mourning Pathology of an Attachment Disorder (see the work of John Bowlby), and as such, can have terrible consequences that echo throughout generations.  I wish I could make readers more aware of the severity, particularly in BPD/NPD families.  Prevention is your best bet, because once PA/PP has started, you may be out of luck forever in terms of re-uniting with your once-loving children, and you will be hard put to reduce the added suicide risk to them from having been taught to hate a parent, and therefore, a part of themselves.  


FD  


 

[hope2727]

Some people here have posted about putting hidden recording apps on their phones and having them record whenever they are in the room or house with their person. Just so that there is a record. I found that keeping a massive paper trail (outside the home) helped me. I Started 2 journals. Both black bound accounting books so that pages couldn't be removed without it showing. I took them to work and in one I wrote incidents that occurred day by day. In the other I kept records of EVERYTHING tangible. This included receipts for fuel, food, a convenience store purchase, a gym pass, a theatre tick everything. I maintained both like medical charts. Every entry was blue or black pen, began with the date and stated only facts not emotions, then had the receipt taped in and the tape signed across and then my initials at the end of each entry. It provided a paper trail of where I was what I spent, who I was with and events that occurred.

[FlawedDesign]

Thank you again, Hope2727.  That was good advice.

FD