How I found closure with my ex.

[Shedd]

Hey there.

So a while back I thought I was over her then was upset she had a new relationship, and felt a little emotional about it all, but I have found peace. 

I have been dating around since we split and I've found that it's REALLY HARD to tell someone you don't have feelings for them the same way they do you. 

I was so enamored by my ex I am sure she felt impossible to tell me that she just fell out of love with me.  I mean, it was a short enough period (the first time) that I should have just ended it there, but I was still in the infatuation stage of the relationship.  That didn't even really leave.  I was so head over heals and madly in love. 

When things started getting bad,  I think she was just looking for ways out because she couldn't tell me she didn't love me anymore.  That's where the ignoring starts, and the more crazy things that happen.  She wanted out then.

For future dating when someone stops texting me and finding it fun to talk to me.  I will be able to let go more easily and be ok with it.  Sometimes love doesn't last forever like I wanted, but that is what I wanted, not what she wanted. (Or at least she didn't tell me that.)  It was all just the lack of communication which is what I am striving for in my next relationship. 

Anyway,  I found out all the things I AM looking for now, and I'm able to see red flags much sooner than I have been in the past because I'm the type of person that likes to give everybody chances. 

Even though, I went through hell, I'm taking my ex as a gift to show me how to be in a healthier relationship in the future. 

[once removed]

this is definitely a step closer toward acceptance, Shedd. i found that part of reaching acceptance was seeing both my exes perspective, and trying to find, as closely as one can, a sort of third party, outsider kind of perspective.

it is hard to tell someone you dont have feeling for them the same way they do you. its something ive always struggled with myself. and its also possible that her feelings wavered in the process, confusing the both of you.

When things started getting bad,  I think she was just looking for ways out because she couldn't tell me she didn't love me anymore.  That's where the ignoring starts, and the more crazy things that happen.  She wanted out then.

youre probably onto something here. a person that struggles with "getting out" may do sabotaging things, passive aggressive things, they may withdraw and waver, not really healthy navigation tools for either party.

so, two questions:

1. how are you approaching letting someone know you dont have feelings for them the same way they do you?

2. what are those things youre looking for?

[Shedd]

so, two questions:

1. how are you approaching letting someone know you dont have feelings for them the same way they do you?

2. what are those things youre looking for?

As for the first question.   I haven't really found a good solution for that, yet.  It kind of depends on the person.  For example, I went on a date on Tuesday, and it just didn't feel right to me.  She text me she had a lot of fun on our date and I said I did too, but that I didn't have the same feelings for her as I thought I would.  I know texting is a horrible way to do it, but that's the only way I was able to with that person.

I'm just being honest.  I think it's better to cut ties with someone (even though it's hard) as soon as possible rather than letting things linger because the more you try to stay and make it work. The worse it becomes in the end.  Sometimes relationships aren't fixable.  



Second question,

I am looking for someone who is down to earth, honest, respectful, and can communicate their feelings without me having to bend over backwards to ask them how they are feeling.  I feel like once I find the person that is able to communicate their feelings they will be the relationship material I'm looking for because that is something that is hard to find!  No one really likes to communicate their feelings.  (Or at least it seems like it) Even I struggle with that.  

I also learned that because of this breakup I am a strong ass woman, and can get through anything.  She almost made me take my own life, and I'm never allowing someone to have that power over me again.  

I am also ok being single. 

[Shedd]

OOPs. didn't mean to make this thread.