Hi horselover,
,
I'm so you are feeling so worn out. It's difficult being a caretaker. My H has never gone to intensive therapy before, but I've heard others stories that when their pwBPD begins therapy, they sometimes regress, especially if they are working on their past trauma. The old memories and feelings being stirred trigger them into a low place that over time, if they continue therapy, begins to get better.
Just a couple of thoughts. Could you husband feel like therapy has become the centerpoint of your lives to the extent that he may feel more like a project than a person?
My H will frequently reject my validation when he can tell that I am not being sincere. Sometimes I validate to just try to get him to stop complaining or getting upset. He has a way of always being able to pick up on this. Do you think something in your tone, body language, or words could be coming across as inauthentic?
Validation only works well when the intent truly is to be empathetic towards the person we are validating.
Secondly, for today, what can you do for you? Just one thing. Anything to help you feel better about yourself. Go for a walk, put on some makeup, get some new clothes, turn on some music and dance or sing, take a nap, pray, meet friends for coffee. Just something for you. Then tomorrow do something else for you. And the next day and the next day. Everyday try to find one little thing to do just for you.
I totally understand what it's like to have to cry silently. I often find myself stifling back tears while he is falling asleep next to me. The moments I set aside for myself help me so much.
