Introduction – co-parenting my 2 years old son with BPD mother

[RandomDude]

Hi all,

I'm joining this forum because during the last two and a half years I have been experiencing a very difficult relationship with the mother of my son. The pregnancy was the result of a one night stand and things got very complicated and dramatic nearly from the start, despite of me acknowledging my responsibilities as a father and trying to build a functioning relationship with the mother. I was under the impression that the mother of my child has a rather difficult personality even before the pregnancy happened but still was completely taken off guard by the chaos that manifested itself in my life since then.

Yesterday I started reading "Stop walking on eggshells" and already finished it today as it struck so many chords with me and I felt very familiar with most of the contents of the book and am definitely exposed to many of the problematic behaviours that are portrayed in it. Asides from that the mother is diagnosed with bulimia and has a history of issues with mental stability.

Right now I'm in the conflict of not wanting to endure the difficult behaviour of the mother and thus feeling the need to draw clear boundaries or even to walk away for good, and on the other hand I feel responsible for the wellbeing of my son and want to life up to that responsibility. I feel that I might loose access to my son if I draw the necessary boundaries given the impulsive, aggressive and irrational behaviour if the mother.

Best, hope everyone is well!

RD

[livednlearned]

Hi RD,

Your English seems excellent to me

I'm sorry for what you're going through. To have a one-night stand that ends in 18 years of coparenting with a BPD sufferer is a bitter pill.

What are some of the things she is doing to make your life miserable? Stop Walking on Eggshells is a good place to start. I don't remember if the book describes skills that can help with boundaries. It can be taxing to set up these boundaries, and sometimes it can feel like parenting a child.

You know for certain the child is yours, I assume. How old is your child? What kind of coparenting agreement do you have in place?

Glad you reached out for help. These are difficult relationships to manage on our own. Having others walk with us can make a big difference.

LnL