I need help. Extremely difficult divorce, he is taking everything away from me

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello, I am new. I filed for divorce in Massachusetts 3 years ago (after 20 years) He is making everything so difficult by breaking rules and refusing to comply and being unreasonable, we have reached no agreements and not divorced. We own a business together. He has locked me out with false allegations, taken cash out of accounts in my name only, refuses to comply with rules, refuses to turn over documents, lies, and manipulates.

I am beaten down and exhausted and he keeps causing chaos, refusing to comply and costing me legal fees, he blames me for everything when I can prove that he is the one lying. I have spent $150,000 on legal fees and am now in debt about $50k. He has everything, the cash he stole, both offices at the business, new SUV, taking dividends and paying legal fees from the business.

We have two kids. He didn't like the GAL report and has just gotten attorneys for the kids. He is manipulating the kids by using sympathy and intimidation to make them ask for equal time.

I have been through 3 attorneys. They are not strong enough for him and keep trying to reason with him. I need legal help in Massachusetts and I wish there was an advocate for me. It's really hard to put into words what is happening and be strong all alone.

Can anyone help me?

Thank you

[purpleflowers]

Hello, I am new. I filed for divorce in Massachusetts 3 years ago (after 20 years) He is making everything so difficult by breaking rules and refusing to comply and being unreasonable, we have reached no agreements and not divorced. We own a business together. He has locked me out with false allegations, taken cash out of accounts in my name only, refuses to comply with rules, refuses to turn over documents, lies, and manipulates.

I am beaten down and exhausted and he keeps causing chaos, refusing to comply and costing me legal fees, he blames me for everything when I can prove that he is the one lying. I have spent $150,000 on legal fees and am now in debt about $50k. He has everything, the cash he stole, both offices at the business, new SUV, taking dividends and paying legal fees from the business.

We have two kids. He didn't like the GAL report and has just gotten attorneys for the kids. He is manipulating the kids by using sympathy and intimidation to make them ask for equal time.

I have been through 3 attorneys. They are not strong enough for him and keep trying to reason with him. I need legal help in Massachusetts and I wish there was an advocate for me. It's really hard to put into words what is happening and be strong all alone.

Can anyone help me?

Thank you

[livednlearned]

Hi purpleflowers,

You're in the right place. People here understand what you're going through.

How old are the kids? Do you have a temporary custody order in place?

People with a PD don't tend to comply or play by the rules. We have to make sure our lawyers work for us, have a good strategy, and tighten up loopholes so things are watertight.

It's not easy.

And it's often expensive.

There is a lot of collective wisdom here that can help make things less worse, and hopefully help turn things around.

LnL

[confused4now]

 , Welcome... .I can validate everything you are saying. My soon to be ex is doing the same thing. I pressured him to move out a month ago, I was willing to work (as much as he was) on the marriage. True to form for our marriage, less then a week later we were worse off. He knew I was not going to work on anything other then a divorce. He cut of phone, internet, and car insurance. I did not respond. He called the police and made a false report about abuse, that happened 6 weeks prior to his moving out. I then woke up to being served a protection order. I had to leave the home, so he could return, he was living in our RV and gained custody of that as well. My family has seen all this take place, and was initially horrified. Since then he too has manipulated them, when I talk to them, they seem to be understanding of his side. He dropped the order and has been negotiating our assets with my brother in law, since we are so hateful. Every time they meet to discuss the divorce, my bro comes back and ask for things my ex wants. They go to dinner, he is helping him move, knows his plans ect... I am left feeling like I did our entire marriage. I also doubt myself so much, if they can't see through maybe I have this all wrong. He lied so much, and even when I saw apps on his phone for private lines, other women phone number, calls day and night to , (I believe) his next victim. I shared this before he left and they seen to believe me. Now it seems they do not believe either of us. Thats what really bites, he just continues to destroy me. The kicker... .I have so much anxiety, I just lost all my life that I was planning with him and now my support system has been compromised. I am going to lay low and hope this will pass as each day goes by. This is such a mess... .

[ForeverDad]

Perhaps you can invite your relatives (not his) to enjoy a movie with you?  A good one would be Gaslight (1944).  That's where the gaslighting meaning comes from, where a person can be convinced over time to doubt self and believe the slick manipulator.

This is a marathon, you're in it for the loan haul, but still you need to fight for the important issues.  Feeling sorry for the other person or being appeasing is self-sabotaging, as is being passive rather than proactive.

[nona]

I do not know where you are located. I wanted to believe my losing everything and daughter alienated from me was due to the fact that I was rural, and my ex UBPD is a public figure in the good old boys club.

BUT I have since learned much of this is by design.

Cluster b's keep the whole system going. everybody makes tons of money.

My 5th lawyer , the last hope, took 240,000 from me and kept all my truths out of court.

acted confused. never got it. was not motivated to get it.

I with stood the first round of false accusations. it was proven they were lying, as I had a witness.

but he finally alienated daughter that she demanded to live with BPDdad.

they influenced the choice of forensic psychologist who was skanky. EXTREMELY biased report for the BPD bad against me.

the BPD ex is NOT saavy. His emails look INSANE; THOUSANDS of them. The lawyers all made sure the emails never got seen or used.

expect to lose friends, status, family, jobs, money, self esteem, and security. It is written. I experienced just that.

the gift, yes. I now understand what happened in my childhood that I would procreate with a person emotionally 3-4.

another girl being raised by a porn addict UBPD dad. I had to leave the country to stop the level of abuse i have endured for 6 years following the divorce.

Im so sorry this is happening to you.

If your gut says you can't trust the lawyer. trust your gut.