Alone

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi.  I am the parent of an adult child (she is 26) with BPD traits.  We have been struggling with multiple hospital stays over the last 5 years with her most recent stay ending in July. That hospital stay resulted in an eviction and her having to move back home.  I have a 4 yr old son as well at home. I am struggling so much with her mood swings and constant lack of empathy.  I just recent purchased the book “stop walking on eggshells” and am really hoping it will help me to learn how to work with her instead of always feeling like she is against me.  I have started counseling myself which is helping a little.  Most days I feel so alone and helpless  that I can’t help her and helpless that I can’t help myself. 

[Dannilyn]

Hi.  I am the parent of an adult child (she is 26) with BPD traits.  We have been struggling with multiple hospital stays over the last 5 years with her most recent stay ending in July. That hospital stay resulted in an eviction and her having to move back home.  I have a 4 yr old son as well at home. I am struggling so much with her mood swings and constant lack of empathy.  I just recent purchased the book “stop walking on eggshells” and am really hoping it will help me to learn how to work with her instead of always feeling like she is against me.  I have started counseling myself which is helping a little.  Most days I feel so alone and helpless  that I can’t help her and helpless that I can’t help myself. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Huat]

Hello Dannilyn and welcome!

You write "I feel so alone and helpless that I can't help her and helpless that I can't help myself."  In reading the rest of your post, Dannilyn, I think you are helping yourself.  You deserve a pat on the back for the work you are doing.

Your plate certainly is full what with having to deal with your daughter and then having a 4 yr. old son, also.  A lot, for sure!  Do you have a partner, Dannilyn, or other family support?

Sadly, there are no immediate answers for you or for any of us on this forum but there is support and comfort in knowing that others share parts of your story.  I have found that just by putting my fingers on the keyboard and pouring out my heart, then getting validation from others, is therapeutic.

I hope we hear more from you, Dannilyn. 

[Dannilyn]

Thank you for reaching out Huat.  I do have a partner and family who are somewhat supportive.  The reaction I usually receive is to play “hardball” with her.  Kick her out and force her to stand in her own.  That is so much easier said than done.  Emotionally that is a difficult thing to think about.

As it stands now we are working on setting clear boundaries even though she feels like I am trying to control her. 

She recently started some DBT therapy and I am just hoping and praying she sticks with it.

She likes to pick fights when there is a full house and when little ones are present. I have gotten better at not engaging and walking away.  Sometimes her lies and hateful words are a lot to take. 

Thanks again for reaching out.  Reading this board is helping me realize I am not the only one dealing with issues like these.