He spoke to me again

[PeacefulCareBear]

Well he has spoken to me. However it was very brief. I've noticed something however. When things don't turn out with one person, he goes back to his old lovers or somebody else. Than he'll end up coming back to me when things go wrong and apologizes to me. It's a pattern that never seems to break. Once I find out about it, he's upset and feels horrible. I've finally back off because I want our relationship to move forward. However he's in a bad place right now, depressed, doesn't know where his life is going and feels worn out.

Anytime he's upset he'll come to me knowing I'll always be there for him. He even told me himself that I'm always there for him no matter what and others in his life end up stop speaking to him by his anger outbursts, mood swings and how he gets upset. I'm a very caring person and I always talk to him and if he explodes I tell him that our conversation must stop and that we can pick it up at a later time when he calms down. So I know how to set boundaries and I make sure he knows when he is upset that I'll be there for him, however I won't be his punching bag for when he's angry.

Other people in his life always stopped speaking to him and he's told me in private how he's sad once they stop speaking to him and has cried. I know deep down he's afraid of me one day leaving him or throwing in the towel and I haven't yet. However for right now for my own peace of mind, I'll talk to him as a friend and I'll love him. I'm not being paranoid or suspicious. It just upsets me how he did admit to me of being with others and he always ends up regretting it later on. This is what seriously broke me a few years when we first started dating and I didn't feel as if I could trust him at any costs. Now that I know he has BPD, I have a better understanding as to what's going and I'd like to help him but I do set up boundaries. As of right now were speaking but only briefly. Hope I'm not coming across as mean, I'm just trying to protect myself because I was once involved in a abusive relationship. He's my first love and I think this is why I love him still so deeply. We shared a lot of wonderful times together. We had a lot of great laughs and he was so caring and sweet. I'm just planning on slowing down the pace. Planning on reading more books about BPD so I can educate myself. Just didn't want anyone else to feel alone.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi Peaceful,

Sometimes we have to back off a little and let our emotions settle before we can start interacting at full capacity again. I can imagine how hard it is for him to go back and forth between you and others. HOw long have you been together?

You mentioned not being his punching bag. Has he started to get physically violent with you?

Your scenario sounds like a good place to start looking at boundaries. Boundaries are not rules that we put on other people "If you keep yelling this conversation must end". INstead boundaries are based on the values you have or that you have as a couple. In regards to you and relationships, what are your values? They are made up of the things that we are responsible for. What responsibilities of yours have you given up for or to your pwBPD?

Here's a little more information on boundaries

[Mutt]

Hi PeacefulCareBear,

As of right now were speaking but only briefly. Hope I'm not coming across as mean, I'm just trying to protect myself because I was once involved in a abusive relationship.

Self protection makes sense, you accepted that he has BPD / has been with others and your on friendly terms, my question is what if he goes back to others, are you ok with that?

[PeacefulCareBear]

Hi PeacefulCareBear,

Self protection makes sense, you accepted that he has BPD / has been with others and your on friendly terms, my question is what if he goes back to others, are you ok with that?

He's actually recently spoke to me again and told me he wanted to make sure that I felt the same way about him since he's told me how much he loves me. I've told him that I do love him and that I want our relationship to work. He just needs to be honest with me and come to me whenever he's upset or needs to talk about something that's truly troubling him.

He's constantly in a state of confusion. Is this normal?