Tired of being yelled at

[MzLz62]

  I am an adult child who is taking care of a Mother with BPD traits. We always thought she was OCD, but the anger and impulsive behavior has increased with age. I am tired of being belittled and yelled at while I am taking care of her needs and neglecting mine. When I express my exhausted state, then I am accused of complaing.

[Woolspinner2000]

Welcome MzLz62! 

Thank you for sharing a bit of an introduction of what is going on in your life. Isn't it amazing when you begin to discover that your concerns and thoughts about your M may be more than OCD? I know when I first learned about BPD, I felt like I suddenly found out what it was that my uBPDm had for all those years. When you know things aren't right and stumble upon BPD, and it fits, there can be a sense of relief and shock at the same time. How did you learn about BPD? How do you feel about this discovery?

We have a very large online family, and the members are understanding and helpful. Did you take a look at the list on the right hand side of our board? There are many tips there with a lot of information to help you understand more about BPD. Please also take time to read the posts by other members and jump in with your thoughts. We look forward to hearing more from you. 

Here is a link that you may find helpful to you as you try to deal with your uBPDm's behavior:

A 3 Minute Lesson on Ending Conflict

It is never easy to deal with a pwBPD. We all struggle with it. You are not alone.

 
Wools

[wannabefree]

I just found my way back here (it's been quite a while) and your post describes my situation perfectly. I'm so sorry for what you are experiencing.

My mother definitely is OCD, and that alone has increased as she's now 80 years old. But the raging, BPD (undiagnosed) and/or NPD (undiagnosed) issues are also magnified. What used to be occasional (frequent, but not daily) outbursts have now been nearly 100% of the time for 2 solid years. Everything is desperately important. Anything not matching the script or appearance in her mind - she rages at the same level as if it were her life being threatened. And my exhaustion (emotional and physical) is deemed to be completely "selfish" and thoughtless.

[Turkish]

Hi MzLz62,

I'd like to join The Board Llama in welcoming you!

What entails taking care of her, medically, financially, etc.?

It isn't likely to be fruitful to try and get her to understand your view,  and likely this was a struggle your whole life anyway.  The link that Woolspinner2000 posted is a basic tool which can help you to start.  But let's delve deeper... .what specifically is going on?

Turkish