Self-destructive behaviors

[Farmwife]

My child has BPD; she is 34. I have been reading and researching for a long time; amazed how information has changed over the years.
My daughter is in process of allowing her "boyfriend" move in w/her. He is a drug user. She KNOWS it's a toxic relationship, but she just wants a "normal" relationship and love. She calls me for advice and validation(yikes!). All I want for her is to be happy and safe. These stresses lead to some very destructive behaviors.
How has anyone else responded to this dilemma ?

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lollypop]

Hi there farmwife

Gosh, that sounds like a difficult situation if your daughter is seeking validation about something you have concerns about. Having a relationship with a drug abuser is incredibly difficult and no doubt there'll be consequences occurring at some point.

What did you say to her when she talked to you about it?

What kind of destructive behaviours do you mean?

LP

[Farmwife]

Destructive behaviors include getting wasted, mostly alcohol but she has done coke with him. Continuing in this relationship itself is self-destructive.

She wanted my advice about stopping the relationship. I told her I couldn't tell her what to do, but I personally would be done with him if it was my relationship.

[Lollypop]

Hi farmwife

I understand and it hurts terribly I know.

I guess it's sit back and watch from the sidelines. I find this part incredibly difficult!

LP

[wendydarling]

Hi farmwife

I join Lollypop welcome to the family. 

LP gives good advice, stand back, from what you say your DD knows very well this a wrong choice, I'm concerned she'll draw you in to their dysfunctional triangle as you say she calls you for advice. Are you ready for that?

We are here to help.

WDx