How does the BPD view this ignoring, will she stop, or only get more frustrated.
She probably struggles with consistency in her feelings, like an intense roller coaster of mood states. And people with BPD tend to have a hard time resolving hurts.
Self-soothing is something we take for granted. For the person with BPD, he or she may have a library of hurts that sit there, a big data bank of emotional injuries that don't subside. Whereas nonBPD people tend to process our pain and find ways to alleviate that rawness.
Asking you to clarify what you said is her way of making sense of it, except she likely has, at best, an impaired ability to see her role in what went wrong, so the pursuit to understand always brings back disappointment.
Unfortunately, she may feel the need to take you back to court in order to get behind your wall of silence. If so, you may want to avoid going to hearings that don't absolutely require your presence. If your L feels you have to go, then try to appear as impassive as possible, what my L referred to as "going beige." Not saying this is what your ex is doing, but I think sometimes there is a compulsion to elicit some kind of emotional reaction to relieve the pressure. Either to equalize -- meaning, you feel as intensely as she does, so you validate her mood state in a way. Or, once she sees you dsyregulated, it confirms for her that she means something to you, that she is able to experience her feelings through your expression of them.
