All the Accusations Finally Make Sense

[JesusFreak]

I'll just get started. I have always wondered why I was to blame for all of our marriage problems. Nothing I could do was enough. I'm a very social guy who tends to not be judgmental and gets along with everyone, works hard, pays his taxes, loves Jesus, his wife and children, yet in my home life I'm told by my loving wife that I'm a miserable, drug addicted, depressed sociopath who relies on antidepressants and psychotherapy , all easily disproven I might add, who worships sports more than God ( just because I'm a cheese head and watch my Packers after church on Sunday and heaven forbid cheer when they score!.)

I'm a Christian and proud to call myself one yet my wife insists that I'm a false convert who walks around sinning and purposely doing things to hurt her. I could never understand?

I'll get to the background, I'm rambling. We have been together for 20 years and we've had 8 babies together! 1 has gone on to be with Jesus and 7 remain here with us. We have 5 girls and 2 (+1 angel) boys.

I'm obviously committed to her, I've always allowed her to do whatever she wanted. She has chosen  to homeschool is attempting homesteading and driving a school bus as well, she's maxed out and when I tell her to put the kids in school she says I hate her and she's a terrible person and she can't do anything right in my eyes. Keep in mind I just made a simple suggestion, nothing more nothing less. All of her decisions recently are going off the rails, surprise surprise she's overwhelmed, but of course all her anger and accusations are at me! This is crazy!

I am constantly trying to run and fix the choices she has made while trying to parent 7 kids and working 8 hours a day 6 days a week at an assembly factory. For our entire 20 years she has constantly blamed everything on me even if I'm not at home and something happened it was my fault, I felt like I was going crazy. She has for our entire relationship threatened to leave and take my kids and take all my money and sever all ties with anyone related to me(including my dear sweet grandmother who lives 7 hours north of us.) It was just insane all over innocent comments or opinions. It is weird.

This latest incident began because we recently had a strike at my plant, this set her into overdrive she believed it was the next Great Depression. Within days she was considering selling the house the car the animals the kids if necessary (just kidding) but she was frantic. I went out with some friends and stupid me choose to have a few beers and smoke a little pot. She found out through the grapevine and accused me of being satan himself, she threatened to murder me, she told me she's taking everything. Just absolutely lost it, told me I'm broken I hate the kids, I've made them drink watered down milk because of my poor financial choices , this is insane.

I had more than enough resources to withstand the short term strike and we never lacked at all, I'm back to work and the just this past Wednesday she filed for legal separation and of course wants the kids the house the pension. I'm at a loss this blog and the book stop walking on eggshells made me realize that I'm not crazy. All of her anxiety and irrational fears and blaming me for everything and not trusting me when I'm out or at work and not being allowed to have friends, family and a life outside of constantly trying to satisfy this type of person is not normal. Whew! that felt good! God has allowed me to meet some wonderful people who have pointed me in the right direction and this site is definitely one of them. I really believe that this may have saved me from going insane. Thank you for listening!

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

Hi JesusFreak,

I'm sorry that you are going through such a hard time in your relationship. Congratulations on 8 children!

My H has a very hard time with my faith. I think the black and white thinking that comes with BPD makes faith very difficult grasp with someone with BPD. To them things are either all good or all evil and wrapping their mind around the understanding that although we are believers that will still sin. I know my H expects perfection out of Christians and if he sees a Christian failing or struggling then it means that they are not really a Christian. My H can quote scripture like no other yet refuses to apply it to his life but will quickly use it against others. We have reached a point where I do not talk about my faith in front of him.

Has your wife left the house or is she still living there?

As for what happened with the job strike, I can imagine that your W was really really scared. I'm a working wife and I know that a few months ago my H's job was kind of shaky and I was freaking out about it. Knowing how scared I was I can imagine the fear your W had since she does not work and you are the sole breadwinner. That fear could really cause someone with BPD to spiral down. To someone with BPD feelings=reality and she felt like the world was ending so it must be true, even though the real truth was that you had plenty to make it until the strike was over. The biggest thing to do in these sceanrios is to validate and Not Be Invalidating

Do you think she will be back?

Would you share with us something you think may come up in a future conversation and we can help you work through how to respond to her?