What does she want?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My Ex and I recently had a talk and she told me that there is no hope for us getting back together, and she has no romantic or sexual feelings left for me, and only wants to be friends. I have told her I need to take some time soon to get over her which means  no contact, to which she seemed to agree. We have seen each other to talk for coffee, and wants to do so again this weekend.

She is currently seeing another guy and I know we are done, but why is she insisting we be friends for? I know what everyone would say, "Go no contact right away", or "You can't be friends with your ex", but what I really want to know why SHE wants. In my head the logical thing is that she moved on, and she would tell me... "seeing me as friends is not a good idea, and my boyfriend would not approve" right?

She would show him respect to stay away from me, and move on with her new man. Plus she is quite aware of how I feel (im working on letting go) and you would think another thing she would say is, "Maybe until you don't have feelings for me, I think we should not be friends. Its kinda uncomfortable".
I even asked her, "what can I possibly offer you as a friend while you are with another guy?" to which she replied "Women can be in a relationship and have guy friends. Its no big deal"

So that is what is confusing me. There is no hope for getting back together and no feelings on her part, and because she is in a new relationship its kinda awkward to go out for coffee and be friendly with your ex. What does she want from me? Does she really truly want a friendship, or perhaps misses me?

[Making sense]

My Ex and I recently had a talk and she told me that there is no hope for us getting back together, and she has no romantic or sexual feelings left for me, and only wants to be friends. I have told her I need to take some time soon to get over her which means  no contact, to which she seemed to agree. We have seen each other to talk for coffee, and wants to do so again this weekend.

She is currently seeing another guy and I know we are done, but why is she insisting we be friends for? I know what everyone would say, "Go no contact right away", or "You can't be friends with your ex", but what I really want to know why SHE wants. In my head the logical thing is that she moved on, and she would tell me... "seeing me as friends is not a good idea, and my boyfriend would not approve" right?

She would show him respect to stay away from me, and move on with her new man. Plus she is quite aware of how I feel (im working on letting go) and you would think another thing she would say is, "Maybe until you don't have feelings for me, I think we should not be friends. Its kinda uncomfortable".
I even asked her, "what can I possibly offer you as a friend while you are with another guy?" to which she replied "Women can be in a relationship and have guy friends. Its no big deal"

So that is what is confusing me. There is no hope for getting back together and no feelings on her part, and because she is in a new relationship its kinda awkward to go out for coffee and be friendly with your ex. What does she want from me? Does she really truly want a friendship, or perhaps misses me?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Making sense, I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but my guess is that she wants to keep you hanging on in case things don't work out with the new guy.

To me, the issue is not what she wants, but what you want.  What are you comfortable with?  What works for you?  It might make it harder to detach if you keep going out for coffee, etc., but that's your call.  My suggestion: try to figure out what sort of a r/s, if any, you want with her on an ongoing basis.

LuckyJim

P.S.  What makes you think she has BPD?

[Pencil sketch]

Hi Making sense, I echo what LJ said. She is keeping you onside, just in case. They know we still have feelings, and I did the same thing, just to have her in my life.
She is not giving any regard to your feelings, and, as mine did, will keep playing on them, it gives them what they want, supply, but it will be to you're detriment, she will call the shots, when you communicate, what you can and cannot talk About, she will slowly take control.
My advice, would be no contact, start working on yourself, concentrate on what you want, it's hard, but you have to detach, and take the control away from her.
Keep on trucking

[Red5]

Hey Making sense, I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but my guess is that she wants to keep you hanging on in case things don't work out with the new guy.

LuckyJim

BINGO !

I echo Lucky Jim, and Pencil Sketch here... .

Pencil Sketch wrote: She is not giving any regard to your feelings, and, as mine did, will keep playing on them, it gives them what they want, supply, but it will be to you're detriment... .

This is classic BPD, and as well npd modus operandi... .when one supply gets close to MT, they will quickly move onto the next "supply"... .but still keeping their foot in your door jam, .just in case they have to take a couple steps back... .if supply were spice (to quote the movie), then the spice (supply) must flow !

Take care of you!

Red5