Predicted Contact by BPD

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So Friday was the day I finally said enough is enough (49 male), and we broke up last Friday.

She (BPD) didn't like THE WAY I broke up with her, said her peace to me on Monday with her essays and then declarations of how she would be moving on and dating and cutting me out of her life and in detail why she "hates" me.

We work in the same office of 17 people or so, of significant note.

Obviously 1,000 other details but I'm sure everybody has heard them all before so I will spare you all, unless asked.

So today's 7:03 a.m. text which i have not responded to as I have gone "no contact" AGAIN is:

"I do hope we can learn to forgive each other at some point.  I don't hate you.  I hate what you did.  We were special to each other.  And this wasn't the way things were supposed to end. I know you won't answer but I just wanted you to know.  I hope there will come a time where we actually can talk to each other again."

I ain't buyin' it.  I feel she just wants more SOMETHING out of me, primarily my attention.

Am I going to have to get a different job?

More details will be provided upon request; I'm brand new here.

Thank you.

[MarkDavid]

So Friday was the day I finally said enough is enough (49 male), and we broke up last Friday.

She (BPD) didn't like THE WAY I broke up with her, said her peace to me on Monday with her essays and then declarations of how she would be moving on and dating and cutting me out of her life and in detail why she "hates" me.

We work in the same office of 17 people or so, of significant note.

Obviously 1,000 other details but I'm sure everybody has heard them all before so I will spare you all, unless asked.

So today's 7:03 a.m. text which i have not responded to as I have gone "no contact" AGAIN is:

"I do hope we can learn to forgive each other at some point.  I don't hate you.  I hate what you did.  We were special to each other.  And this wasn't the way things were supposed to end. I know you won't answer but I just wanted you to know.  I hope there will come a time where we actually can talk to each other again."

I ain't buyin' it.  I feel she just wants more SOMETHING out of me, primarily my attention.

Am I going to have to get a different job?

More details will be provided upon request; I'm brand new here.

Thank you.

[SuperJew82]

Careerbuilder.com

[SuperJew82]

I wish I had more positive things to say - but if you can, you should probably be out looking for another gig. It is not worth what you are going to have to endure. If you are thinking this is going to be anything like a normal breakup that you have had in the past where there is a little awkwardness at first and then everything will be sort of normal again...

Think again... .

She will try to make you jealous, tell you how she hates you, then tell you how much she loves your, then sometimes they put you through a "vilification or smear" campaign.


Sorry you are going through this.

[once removed]

hi MarkDavid and

how did it end?

[MarkDavid]

hi MarkDavid and

how did it end?

It's a long answer, of course, but the flame that lit the fire actually had to do with her getting completely enraged over merely the profile of a new female client I was going to meet; 48 hours of listening to non-sense about that led into her declaring a need for a weekend apart from each other (which I found to be an excuse/lie), and I just said I had enough and she kind of pushed me into saying "we are broken up", which I never actually said, but based on my not contacting here on Saturday constituted "that means we are broken up".  (she is a subordinate for a different one of my partners in my office).  And she went on her tirade on Monday about how i didn't give her a "proper" break up, and that's been that since.

It sounds ridiculous typing that, I realize; but that is what happened.

There were 100 different prior break ups, but this one is for real this time due to other circumstances.

[SuperJew82]

Yes, I've been down that road. I cannot accurately tell you how many times I had enough and put my foot down, only to be basically harassed into giving it another whirl.

Yes, we don't realize how childish and silly what we are dealing with is until we step back and let the smoke clear. Journaling about this and talking with friends seems to expedite the shift to reality.

How long have you been seeing her? Is she getting treatment? Don't be afraid to elaborate on here. Sometimes just getting your thoughts out there is therapeutic in itself.

[MarkDavid]

Yes, I've been down that road. I cannot accurately tell you how many times I had enough and put my foot down, only to be basically harassed into giving it another whirl.

Yes, we don't realize how childish and silly what we are dealing with is until we step back and let the smoke clear. Journaling about this and talking with friends seems to expedite the shift to reality.

How long have you been seeing her? Is she getting treatment? Don't be afraid to elaborate on here. Sometimes just getting your thoughts out there is therapeutic in itself.

Sorry I was gone; I'm back. Gave it the ole proverbial one last try with her while I was away.

So the New Major its forever over event happened.  Things actually are different and worse this time, so I do actually think this is finally "it".  We had been talking about her moving in with me and my 16 year old daughter, but she was froggin' around with that decision and cold feet and everything else; that at least was the back drop for when on the cusp of that supposedly happening, she screwed with me and was being rebellious toward me after I had totally included her in family events with my adult family - siblings and 88 year old mother birthday party; another attempt to show her/prove to her it was real.  We had a fight in the aftermath of that about the imbalance in the relationship (I spoke up), she got upset by that, it morphed into a week long fight culminating in a break up, with her saying she can't deal with me.  I called her a liar, a sneak, ungrateful, selfish, and tiptoed right up to but stopped at saying she has BPD and other disorders, out of kindness, which I told her I was holding back on that.  SO, we broke up mid part of last week.  She then did her usual of texting me non-stop in the aftermath and over the weekend.  I finally last night informed her that I was blocking her from texting me, which I did, because she is a texting junkie.  For the moment,that has seemed to do the trick.

My story will be right up there with the craziness I'm sure a lot of others posted.  To cut right to the chase, the main events are:

1999 - 2001 affair with her, 2 years

2001 I cut her off over some crap she pulled at our workplace getting me somewhat in trouble; I went "no contact"; for 10 years.  Seriously.

We were both married.

2011 My father died

2011 right before he died, I apologized to her for my mistakes in 1999-2001

3 weeks after that apology, we were making out.

Me divorced in October 2014
Her divorced in January 2015

Plan was for us to be together

She screwed around on countless things as part of "the plan" for us to be fully together, always foot dragging seemingly.  Excuses, drama, chaos.

2 people on this planet who never should have gotten together, but did.

What a shock: it didn't work out.  I get it.  Just like always, really, but it all happened.  Tried to give it a go.  Never realized the BPD part of her until after the divorce; to me, I just missed the red flags on that aspect of it, but since 2014 it all started to then jump off the page.

Flame away; I get it.  I feel shame over all of this, so please try to be kind, at least initially.

[once removed]

Sorry I was gone; I'm back. Gave it the ole proverbial one last try with her while I was away.

... .

Flame away; I get it.  I feel shame over all of this, so please try to be kind, at least initially.

Mark, this is why we have the Saving board . if youre not done, if you want to give this the best shot you can give it, post on the Saving board, learn the tools there - you dont have to do this alone, and without a drastically different plan, you may continue in this cycle. recycling the relationship is the norm around here. most members have done it, some ten times or more. theres no shame in that, but recycling and going underwater (disappearing) is not the healthy approach i think you want to take.

[MarkDavid]

Mark, this is why we have the Saving board . if youre not done, if you want to give this the best shot you can give it, post on the Saving board, learn the tools there - you dont have to do this alone, and without a drastically different plan, you may continue in this cycle. recycling the relationship is the norm around here. most members have done it, some ten times or more. theres no shame in that, but recycling and going underwater (disappearing) is not the healthy approach i think you want to take.

But I don't want to save it.  I want this over for good.  To be honest, at least today, I feel empowered that I cut her off from texting me and having her engage in her emotional abuse of me.  My hope is that she actually is the one that leaves the office place and gets another job; for reasons I won't completely get into, I have more to stay for, and she doesn't and even alluded about 2 months ago to looking elsewhere (she does not work for me, but I am in a superior position to her in the office, employment wise speaking).

I just want this part of my life now behind me; that's it.

[once removed]

you feel that way today. you have felt that way before.

most members on the Saving board are currently broken up. if youre going to have any contact with her (you work with her) its a good idea to stop the bleeding, not let this get out of hand, and have some tools to help you navigate, even if you decide youre done.

your call. we will support you regardless.

[MarkDavid]

you feel that way today. you have felt that way before.

most members on the Saving board are currently broken up. if youre going to have any contact with her (you work with her) its a good idea to stop the bleeding, not let this get out of hand, and have some tools to help you navigate, even if you decide youre done.

your call. we will support you regardless.

I agree with what you are saying about feeling that way before; that said, I guess I will check out the Saving Board and see what you mean.

Thank you.

[MarkDavid]

I agree with what you are saying about feeling that way before; that said, I guess I will check out the Saving Board and see what you mean.

Thank you.

I posted on the Saving board; and read some of the messages, but I think I belong here on this board.  To me, I truly think this one was the one and that it is over.  I know I need some emotional help to get through this; that is why I am here; in 2001 I found a message board like this to be helpful.  I met with a counselor one time back in July to help me deal with some anger I felt over some lies, which she double talked her way out of after some time passed, saying what I saw (with her ex husband and father of her 14 year old) was not what it appeared to be.  So it's October now.  I will go back to that counselor to talk about all of this, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet; its still too fresh and chaotic at the moment.  So some help getting me over THIS bump I think would go a long way; that's why I am here.  Thank you.

[Harley Quinn]

Hi MD,

It's great to meet you.  We're here for you to help you through.  Feel free to share anything that you are struggling with as it's a safe and caring space here.  I've read your thread so feel I have some idea where you're coming from.  What next then for you?  :)o you two have to work closely together or can you keep some distance whilst you heal?  I'm interested to know if you can gain support to facilitate this distance within the workplace.  Obviously it would be great if she were to seek other employment however at present this is going to be a factor for you.  

I can highly recommend the articles and lessons to the right hand side of the board as a good starting point to recovery.  An especial favourite of mine is this article on Surviving a Breakup When Your Partner Has Borderline Personality.  I've read and re read this article more than any other, particularly during the early stages of detaching and I hope you too can find it as beneficial.  It allowed me to identify the areas I needed to strengthen and focus on these to help myself in letting go effectively.  :)o let me know if you can relate to any of the beliefs that can keep us stuck.  We also have polls and discussions running on these live on the board, marked with stars, and you may find them interesting.  

You're not alone - everyone here is at some stage of the healing process and we support one another.  There is much to be learned from this site so take a good read when you've time.

Love and light x