I think I'm a masochist

[Shedd]

"Think about it: How stressful it would be if those apprehensive butterflies and extreme can't-stop-thinking-about-you attraction you felt towards your ex at first lasted throughout your whole relationship? If this were the case, human beings as a species wouldn't be able to actually survive."

I found this in an article... .And I do have to say I had those feelings the ENTIRE relationship.  I was still on cloud 9, confused, but still on cloud 9 with her even in the end.  Even though she hurt me, even though she put me through hell.  I should probably mention that this was my first real relationship ever. I'm 30.

So what does this say about me?

I think I am a masochist and enjoy the torture.  

I keep going on her FB page.  I just can't help it.  I think she's in a new relationship.  And this would be the 4 girl I think she's seeing since she got her FB back up.  It only lasts up to 7 months with her.  Is it sad I know the timeline of her love life?  

I don't know how to let her go.   I don't know how to get over her.  I've tried so many things.  I'm even leaving work in a month to a new store so I'm hoping by not seeing her at all will help.  

[Sunfl0wer]

Not sure I'd call it masochism, maybe, but when I first heard the term "trauma bond" and did some googling on it, it all made sense to me.
Maybe try googling trauma bond if you have not already.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Shedd, Your inability to let go is a common complaint in the aftermath of a BPD r/s.  Don't beat yourself up!  I doubt you are a masochist.  The way out, I suggest, involves returning the focus to yourself.  Strive to be authentic; get back to being who you are at your core; as Nietzsche said, "Become who you are."  You get the idea.

LuckyJim

[Fie]

Hello Shedd  

I want to echo what Sunflower said about trauma bonding.
 I can recommend the book 'from abandonment to healing', it made a lot of sense for me.

xx

[Skip]

This is the source of your quote:
https://www.elitedaily.com/life/psychology-closure-long-really-takes-get-ex/912245

In the context of the article, it is saying that the described paragraph doesn't happen.